Silver Eyes, Timorous Heart
by Dark-AmethystUnicorn
Summary: Leon's past has more to it than one thinks. eventual CL. Sorry for the long wait!
1. Prologue

**Silver Eyes, Timorous Heart**

Disclaimer: I sincerely desire to contest the purpose of having to continuously declare to the world that I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters and worlds appertaining to the game. Really, if one has a shed of common sense, one will realise that as this appears here, on that I clearly have no legal rights to the video game or its bishies. This is disclaimer has gone on too long incidentally. I'll stop it now.

This is dedicated to the darling girl who introduced me to the world of yaoi; she has been long awaiting this little thank you of mine. Hope you enjoy it dear.

Prologue

Beside a flowing river sit and gaze,  
And see how it perpetually runs  
In a wave on wave, in many thousand turns,  
As through the fields it takes its fluid ways.  
Tou'lt never see again the wave which first  
Flow'd by thee; water never is the same;  
It passes day by day, although the name  
Of water and of river doth persist  
So changes man, and will not be tomorrow  
That which he is today, he cannot borrow  
That strength which time doth alter and consume:  
Until our death one name we do retain;  
Although today no parcel doth remain  
Of what I was, the name I still assume.  
Water Never the Same, Jean-Baptiste Chassignet

_His eyelids fluttered shut, long eyelashes brushing against pale cheeks as his pale, slender hands fluttered across the ivory keys. The small music room in which he resided resonated with the soft, dreamy music floating from the piano. The light of the fading sun streamed through the open windows, the gentle evening breeze dancing with thick, velvet curtains as the child's delicate body was illuminated by the golden aura it projected._

_Lying beneath the piano stool, a Dalmatian lazily nuzzled the bare skin peeping between shoe and pants of the leg dangling in front of her face. The boy shifted in his seat awkwardly, the melody never faltering, as he moved his other foot to run gently over the dog's back, eliciting a soft whine of content. A soft sigh drifted from parted lips as he opened his eyes slowly, his fingers slowing in their movements as the melody began to draw to a sleepy end._

"_You play well."_

_The deep voice tore through the peaceful atmosphere, shattering the angelic picture. The melody was brought to a premature and abrupt halt as hands slipped from the keys to clasp nervously in his lap, eyes widened fearfully and following the man's every move as he drew nearer. The Dalmatian stood, lips curling into a snarl as a low threatening growl rumbled from her throat, silky black and white fur suddenly bristling as tension racked her muscles._

_Golden eyes gleamed in a mockery of fatherly indulgence. "It's time Squall." The child startled, eyes glazing over as he quivered in trepidation. As the man moved closer, a tanned hand reached for him, he cried out, a sob choking his wordless plea._

_A fierce growl lashed across the room, the Dalmatian sprang forward, mouth opening wide to reveal flashing white teeth…_

_There was a sickening crack as a booted foot connected with the side of the dog's head. She slumped to the ground gracelessly, noiselessly, a thin trickle blood seeping from her mouth. Squall slid from his chair, lips parting in a silent cry as his tiny body protectively covered that of his pet, hands running through the short fur as they slipped around the dog's body to shake her lightly, pleading for her to wake up. He looked up angrily through teary eyes, his voice throbbing with pain and incredulity._

"You hurt her! You hurt Shiva, Xehanort! You _hurt_ her!"

"_Be silent. That bitch will trouble me no more. Come, it is time and this time we will this. Understand?"_

"No!" _Tearfully he dropped one last kiss onto the Shiva's soft ear before tearing out of the music room and racing down the marble hall as fast as his short legs could take him. As he turned a corner he chanced a look over his shoulder, uttering a tiny cry of fear. Xehanort was steadily closing the gap between them, a septic knife grasped loosely in his hand, gleaming sporadically as the man passed by windows. He cried out in fright as his tiny body pitched forward and suddenly he was tumbling down a flight of stairs and landing in a crumpled heap at the feet of Ansem the Wise._

_Ansem stared down in shock at the image of the whimpering and sobbing child before he slowly raised his incredulous gaze to the top of the stairs where Xehanort stood, looking mutinous._

"_Xehanort! What is the meaning of this? Who is this child?"_

_The image suddenly shattered. Squall found himself running down an endless corridor of marble walls and gold-gilded columns. He looked over his shoulder, Xehanort was not too far behind, his golden eyes bright in anticipation and frenzied by the thrill of the hunt._

_I must get away. I must. His mind chanted tirelessly as his lungs burned and his breath came in short frightened gasps. Squall looked forward again and choked back a horror-filled sob as he dashed past the lifeless carcass of his beloved Dalmatian, Shiva. The hallway narrowed as a thick oak door suddenly loomed ahead. His face was flushed with exertion as he forced his aching legs to move faster._

_Unable to stop in time, he slammed against the door, lips parting on a loud gasp as his breath was knocked from his lungs. His fingers scrambled for the door knob, rising on tiptoe to curl his hands around the cold silver handle before he tugged at it with a strength born of desperation._

_The door remained closed._

_Behind him, Xehanort's footsteps had slowed to a leisurely walk, the clicking of his boots against the white stone resounding painfully in Squall's ears as he tugged frantically at the door, his childish voice cracking as he called hopelessly for help._

"Please! Anyone! Mama! Help! He_-" He broke off sobbing as a firm hand weighed heavily on his shoulder. Terrified and breathless he turned around slowly, trembling in terror as he raised his eyes to Xehanort's, catching the gleam of triumph before the man shoved him to the floor. Shadows loomed perilously as the knife was raised, gleaming in the pale moonlight streaming in from the window behind Xehanort. Squall screamed, his throat aching as the words were torn out of him in panic._

"Oh god…no, please! Not the knife! Someone! Please! Help!_" Hands were suddenly shaking him. Xehanort's image blurred and distorted before fading into darkness and suddenly he was alone in that darkness with his screams still searing his throat, unable to stop the wordless shrieks from leaving his shuddering body._

_A feminine voice suddenly broke through like a beacon of light, stripping away the darkness. He slowly felt his screams recede into tiny whimpers as the voice came again, gentle and worried as he felt a slapping sensation on his cheek._

" Leon! Wake up!"

TBC

In case anyone was wondering, Leon's speech in his dream wasn't italicised because he was talking in his sleep

If someone could critique my descriptions I'd be very grateful as they're one of my main weak points in writing. Please be so kind as to review.

The sonnet I used in the beginning is one that I felt suited Leon almost perfectly and I absolutely love how it incorporated into this story so well.

Just a random note: According to Word's spell-check, Dalmatian is spelt with a capital no matter its position in the sentence; am I the only one who didn't know that? If so, I really feel like an idiot…


	2. Chapter One

A/N: Sorry this was so long in the making, I kept scrapping what I had because it I didn't like how it came out or where it was taking the fic. I think I might've thrown something in frustration at one point, I dunno, nothing's broken so it's hard to tell…

A big Thank You to the three absolute _darlings_ who reviewed the prologue, you really made my day so this chapter's for you 3

I should probably point out that I really can't write Cid, he ends up sounding like a cross between a Highlander and a Hillbilly or something –sweatdrops-

**Chapter One**

_Twenty Years_…

Wearing only his leather pants and a heavily wrinkled white shirt, Leon stood facing his bedroom window, his silver eyes staring unfocusedly out over the city where pillars of smoke could be seen rising from the sea of rooftops. Absent-mindedly he pinpointed Merlin's chimney, noting it had purple smoke billowing from it today before raising his eyes to stare up at the sky where fluffy clouds floated lazily in the early morning sun, still tinged a light pink from the dawn.

_Twenty years_…

He turned slowly and moved back to his bed, bare feet slapping against the cold stone floor. He sat down heavily, the bed creaking softly, staring indifferently down at his feet. It had been twenty years since he'd last lived in this castle. Twenty years since That Night, since his nightmare began. With the arrival of the Heartless and Maleficent, the nightmare had, mercifully, receded until it was only a bad memory.

And now it had started up again.

Leon laid a hand palm up on his thigh, curling the fingers slightly inwards as his vision blurred. He blinked rapidly to clear the sheen of tears before allowing his eyes to flutter close, lips parting on a melancholic sigh. He knew moving into the castle was probably what had triggered the nightmare's return. The only reason he'd set foot inside the insidious building was because it was the last public building requiring major repairs aside from the Bailey which they had postponed the repairs of, due to the Heartless who were slowly beginning to quieten down (Leon quietly rejoiced that fact). Merlin's was a good hour's walk from the castle so it was simply too time consuming (not to mentioned cramped, it was such a tiny space) to continue residing there. In hindsight it probably would've been better if he'd told the others that he'd simply deal with commuting to the castle from Merlin's every day. Then again, with his luck, simply spending time in the castle would trigger his nightmare. Leon sighed again.

He was so tired.

He loathed sleep; had come to almost fear it. He'd had too many nights where he'd woken up, voice hoarse from screaming, lungs burning, gasping for breath, his heart pounding in his ears as tears poured down his face. The worst nights were those when Aerith or Cid hadn't been able to wake him before Xehanort slid that knife into his chest, slipping under the skin as his screams rose in a crescendo of pain…

With a rough jerking movement, Leon pulled himself out of his thoughts, hands fisting on his lap as his eyes narrowed dangerously at an unseen enemy. There was a soft knock on the varnished wood of his bedroom door followed by a gentle call of 'breakfast' before the rapid clicking of boots on the all-too familiar marble of the corridor floor as Aerith hurried back downstairs to the kitchen.

Leon slowly stood up again, sweeping an agitated hand through his hair and exhaling loudly. Roughing shoving his feet into a pair of socks and then into his boots, he lifted his head to frown at his reflection in the small mirror resting on the set of drawers beside him, locking his eyes with that of his reflections.

The silver eyes gradually darkened. Golden eyes laughed haughtily at him as his image gradually melted away, Xehanort smirking impetuously at him from the within the mirror.

Leon hastily looked away.

XXX

The moment Leon half-stumbled into the dining room and took his seat placidly next to Cid, Cloud knew, even without the almost ritualistic scream that woke him at night, that he'd had another nightmare. If his count was correct, that made nine in just under a fortnight. He frowned at his cereal, tracking Leon's erratic movements from the corner of his eye.

Leon looked horrible. His crumpled shirt hung limply over his pants, the absence of belts and his leather jacket seemed to make him appear strangely vulnerable and almost delicate. Cloud could see multiple dark lines under those grey blood-shot eyes on a face that was pale and strained, tension tightening his jaw. When Leon spoke, an occurrence that was becoming rarer with each passing day, his voice was raspy and barely audible.

Cloud's eyebrows furrowed as Leon startled when Yuffie tapped him on the shoulder, grey eyes suddenly wild and darting about the room as he jumped off his seat. The action was setting warning bells off in Cloud's head. Leon _never_ startled. Something was definitely wrong and Leon was starting to suffer from it physically.

"Whoa, Leon! You really need to switch to decaf." Yuffie innocently chirped, hands fisted on her hips as she rocked lightly on her heels, head tipping back to smile zealously up at the man, the corner of her eyes crinkled in amusement. 

"Yuffie!" Cid's voice was a low, harsh rumble. As everyone turned to stare at him, Leon's head lowered, a shameful blush dusting his cheeks. The newspaper softly crinkled as Cid lowered it to glare witheringly at the ninja; Cloud could see telltale shadows beneath his eyes. "Back. Off."

Yuffie pouted, a retort forming on her lips when Aerith lightly clasped her shoulder soothing, offering a small smile before stepping beside Leon and firmly guiding him back into his chair. Once the tense brunet was seated, her hands fluttered up to his shoulders, gently kneading the rigid muscles there. She tilted her head slightly to the right so she could look over at Yuffie, her green eyes dulled by weariness, her voice warm with fondness. "Yuffie, please leave Leon alone for a bit? He's having a rough time."

_Rough time_. Cloud echoed silently, chewing thoughtfully on his cereal as he discreetly watched Leon relaxed under Aerith's hands from the corner of his eye. He knew Aerith well enough to know that 'rough time' was her way of saying 'a bloody horrible time'. He wasn't surprised. His room was in the same wing as Leon's, granted there were a good twenty rooms between them, the ones occupied by Aerith and Cid included. Cloud knew that every time Leon had a nightmare he woke up screaming. Twenty rooms did little to blot out the soul-piercing screams that could easily jolt Cloud out of his light sleep. The first few times it had happened they were still dealing with mass Heartless attacks; Cloud had instinctively grabbed the Buster Sword as he jolted awake and dashed out of his room. The first few times he'd crashed into Cid, also hurrying towards Leon's, who curtly assured him that everything was fine before sending the young man back to bed.

The fifth time Cloud had awoken to find himself hopelessly tangled in his sheets and delayed in his movements due to the time consumed wrestling for freedom from his sheets. By the time he arrived at Leon's, Cid and Aerith were already inside, low, hushed voices drifting from the partially closed door. Cloud had slowed down as he neared, peeping curiously through the small opening of the door at the scene inside. Cid was pacing the room, blonde hair unruly and nondescript pyjamas rumpled, muttering in a low biting voice, obscenity's occasionally making themselves heard, his hands alternately fisting and wringing themselves as he kept his worried gaze on the other pair. Leon was sitting up in bed, his thick blue duvet pooling around his lap, his torso twisted slightly towards Aerith, who knelt beside him, her brown hair curling around her face and cascading over her pink nightgown, bare arms wrapped tightly around Leon, her head bent close to his ear as she murmured soothingly. Cloud had to step back for a moment to pinch himself before looking in again. Leon was clinging to Aerith fearfully, light trembles racking his body and the breath coming in short, quick gasps between his lips. Cloud felt his expression twist in concern. When Leon raised his head to answer to one of Cid's mutters, he hastily stepped back again, heart twisting in his chest as he stifled a light gasp of surprise.

Leon was crying.

After that Cloud stayed away, remaining in his room whenever he was roused by Leon's scream. The image of tears streaming endlessly down Leon's pale and the utterly broken expression on the man's face was burned into his mind and tore at him a little more each time Leon had a nightmare as he heard the sounds of Aerith and Cid hurrying towards Leon's room. During the day he was careful not to let on that he was aware of the nightly occurrences though he thought he'd seen Aerith give him a worried, knowing look. His friendship with Leon was precarious but he liked to think that it was also a deep one despite the knowledge that it wouldn't take much to upset their relationship, so he knew that Leon wouldn't welcome interference and would hate for more people to know than he believed to already know. He also knew that Leon was an intellectual and would pick up on any odd behaviour on his part so he kept things normal as best he could. He carefully continued his daily quarrels and light banter with Leon, sparring with him and working alongside him in that familiar comfortable silence.

But now he wondered if maybe he should express some form of outward concern. Leon obviously wasn't getting enough sleep and he was barely eating. His clothes were starting to hang from his body, indicating a loss of weight. His face was beginning to look gaunt and he was so pale he nearly blended in with the white tiles of the wall behind him. His concentration was also being affected. At present his eyes kept glazing over and Tifa had to repeatedly snap her fingers in front of his face to regain his attention while she tried to discuss the day's tasks with him. Suddenly Tifa swivelled her gaze on Cloud, exasperation written clearly on her features. Cloud looked at her faintly sheepish. From the look on her face, she'd been trying to talk to him too.

"Cloud. Leon. Will you please pay attention?" She sighed heavily, resting her chin on her palm and slanting a reproving glace at Leon from the corner of her eye. "As I was saying to both of you; since the Heartless problem isn't so big anymore, Cid reckons we can finally start clearing the Bailey." She paused as Cid grunted his agreement; papers crinkling as he turned a page in his newspaper. She rolled her eyes and continued with a small, amused smile. "Since the rest of us are busy with repairs here, do you mind starting alone?"

"Not at all Tifa." Cloud answered quietly, absently slapping Yuffie's hand away as she attempted to pull his hair. He paused to glare at her and was answered with a sweet smile before shifting his gaze to where Leon was negligently playing with his food, clearly not hungry. "When Leon's ready, we'll head out."

Almost instantly, Leon pushed his plate away and rose from the table, wincing slightly when his chair scrapped noisily across the dark wood floor. "I'm ready. Let's go."

As Leon went upstairs to grab his coat and gunblade, Aerith hurried into the kitchen and came out with a black satchel, pressing its straps into Cloud's hand. "It's going to be hot today. There's a first aid kit just in case and I packed plenty of water and a good lunch for the both of you. Make sure you stop for breaks. Okay?"

"Okay." Cloud nodded, his fingers curled over the straps as he slung the satchel onto his shoulder. "We will."

Aerith smiled at him approvingly, her eyes regarding him solemnly before nodding. "Good. Be back in time for dinner. Watch out for Heartless."

"Always do." He nodded at the others as he patted Aerith's shoulder, swiftly moving to the entrance hall where he found Leon standing quietly in the middle of the room, staring at the broken staircase leading upstairs with a peculiar, faintly sick expression. Cloud frowned, opening his mouth to comment before snapping it again with a soft click. He silently chided himself for a moment before moving forward, coming to a stop a few feet away from Leon's right. "Ready to go Leon?"

Leon looked up. Cloud felt his breath hitch at just how tired and lifeless those grey eyes looked. Before he say or do anything, Leon looked away, moving towards the large stone doors with long strides. "Let's go."

XXX

Aerith hummed a lively tune as she diligently worked at repairing the library doors. Below, Cid could be heard faintly cursing as he repaired the fountain's pipes, sputtering when a small jet of water hit in the face, only to die out again. She giggled lightly, staring determinedly at the broken door handle as Cid sat back, wiping his face cantankerously.

"Aerith?" Cid called up to her, now leaning against the fountain tiredly. When she appeared from behind a column he gestured her over, frowning pensively, voice crisp and swift as he continued. "I think maybe we oughta move Leon out of the castle, maybe back ter Merlin's since he's working on the Bailey now."

Her shoulders slackened as inexplicable relief lightened her features. She sighed softly. "I was wondering how to bring that up with you. I think it's for the better." She admitted quietly, sitting down beside him and letting her hands fall to her lap. "Leon can't keep going on as he is. He…it's like he's fading Cid." Her voice trembled slightly, emerald eyes clouded over with anxiety as she peered up at the man.

"Fading." Cid repeated, testing the word carefully before giving a low grunt and rubbing his chin. "Aye. That's the word for it. With these fucking nightmares the idiot's not sleeping and he ain't eating –keeps slipping Yuffie his food when he thinks ol' Cid ain't looking, he does. He's getting all quiet again too damnit. We only just got him ter warm up again. Fading. Like yer said."

Aerith chewed on her lower lip. "We probably shouldn't have moved into the castle. There's so many memories here for him and not many of them are any good…but…he didn't oppose it." She trailed off weakly, smoothing her skirt out unnecessarily, her eyes blankly staring at the large vase situated against the wall. "I…we really should've seen it coming now that I think about it. He really shouldn't stay here and I really shouldn't have let him come."

"Ain't yer fault, we know who's ter blame for this." Cid grunted. "Have a word with him Aerith. Tell him ter spend some nights over at Merlin's. You go with him and see if he still has nightmares. If he does, so help me I'll drag him ter therapy meself." Cid paused with an angry huff, digging around in his pockets before extracting a packet of cigarettes and a lighter with flourish. "I need to see the old loon after lunch anyway; want to move the computer out of his house before his bloody magic fucks it up. I'll let 'im know he's got houseguests for a while." 

XXX

"What's with you?"

Cloud straightened up from where he'd bent to pick up a large chunk of stone and leaned against the wall, casually resting on his arms and raising an eyebrow inquisitively. "That's my question for you, Leon."

"You've been staring at me." Leon frowned petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head. He stared up at Cloud from behind the locks of hair that'd slipped over with face with dark, probing eyes.

"Obviously." Cloud retorted, fixing Leon with an unwavering stare, lips twisting into a frown. "Something's wrong with you Leon and I want to know what."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Get back to work and stop slacking, Strife." Leon scoffed, a defensive tone in his voice, his grey eyes flashed warningly as he turned and moved towards a large pile of broken wall needed to be blasted into smaller, manoeuvrable pieces.

Cloud's frown deepened, his eyebrows furrowing as he pushed himself off the wall and quickly grabbed Leon by the elbow, turning him around and clutching his shoulders tightly. He moved closer as he stared determinedly at the other man. "I think you do know what I'm talking about, Leon." Cloud spoke quietly, his voice calm and firm. "You haven't been sleeping or eating right since we moved into the castle. Damnit! What the hell scared you this badly, Squall Leonhart?"

Leon froze, his eyes widening, the pupils dilating as his lips parted on a silent gasp. He trembled slightly.

_His tiny body was under the table, pressed against the wall, hands covering his mouth to stifle his sobs as footsteps echoed in the small parlour. '__**Squall**__**Squall**__. Come out, come out…wherever you where. You can't hide from me…__**Squall**__.'_

His eyes went glassy as he swallowed thickly, the blood rushing from his face as small beads of sweat broke out along his forehead. His trembling increased. "Let me go." He rasped.

'_You can't hide __**Squall**__.' Wicked golden eyes gleamed as a tanned hand grasped his ankle, pulling him forward. 'I found you.'_

Cloud loosened his grip, staring incredulously at Leon. "What the hell?" He whispered stepping back slightly. "Leon?"

"Let me go." Leon whispered, desperation entered his voice and Cloud could almost taste the fear emanating from the brunet.

'_Come __**Squall**__. It'll only hurt for a while.' The knife…dear god…that knife._

As Leon blanched further and started to hyperventilate, Cloud brought his hand down across his face. "Snap out of it Leon!"

Leon gasped, stumbling forward. Cloud instinctively grasped his shoulders, steadying him. Shaking fingers fisted his vest as Leon rested his sweat soaked forehead on Cloud's shoulder, breathing coming in small shuddering gasps, eyes watery and quivering as Leon made a visible effort to hold back the tears.

Cloud looked down at him, his blue eyes wide and bewildered, mouth forming a silent 'O'. He patted a trembling shoulder, cringing just slightly when Leon flinched and moved to pull away. "Easy, easy." Cloud murmured, moving his hand to brush the mess of hair out of Leon's face. "It's just me Leon, it's just Cloud. Come on. It's okay."

Slowly Leon relaxed, his body slumping into Cloud's warmth as strong, reassuring arms wrapped around him, threading through his hair. A soothing voice tickled his ear as his head rested on a toned shoulder. He wasn't really aware of anything, just that the pain was gone and that this person had stopped it.

Cloud looked down at worriedly. Leon's eyes were still fearful and unfocused. "Leon?" He called softly. Leon sighed quietly, nestling closer. Cloud hummed faintly in amusement shaking the other gently, speaking loudly. "Come on; let's get out of the sun. You need to tell me what that was about."

The words were like a bucket of cold water thrown at Leon. He startled violently, wrenching himself out of Cloud's embrace, his eyes returning to that wild state as he stared at Cloud disbelieving for a moment before making an odd strangled sound and tearing out of the excavation site.

To Be Continued

-sorry if it's a little short, I didn't really want to add more, I like that ending. R&R


	3. Chapter Two

A/N: So sorry about the long wait but when you have exams and assignments on top of a killer writer's block, that tends to happen. Assuming you didn't label something with my pen-name and then brutally mutilate it, thank you for being so patient.

Warnings: Flashbacks

Chapter Two

_Long ago, people lived in peace, bathed in the warmth of light.  
__Everyone loved the light.  
__Then people began to fight over it.  
__They wanted to keep it for themselves.  
__And darkness was born in their hearts.  
__The darkness spread, swallowing the light and many people's hearts.  
__It covered everything, and the world disappeared.  
__But small fragments of light survived…in the hearts of children.  
_-Kingdom Hearts I

XXX

_Cid tightened his grip on the small boy in his arms as the castle gates clanged shut behind them. The road was wet and slippery as he slowly made his way to where an old grey car was parked a small distance away from the looming structure, careful not to slip or drop Squall. He shivered slightly as a cold face pressed against his neck, small whimpers emitting from the anguished boy. He smiled sadly, adjusting his hold so that he could pull out the keys and unlock the door before opening it, gently sliding Squall into the seat and buckling him in. With a final look at the castle Cid sighed and slipped into the driver's seat, quickly starting the car and driving off._

_From the corner of his eye he observed the small child sitting dully in the seat next to him, those silver eyes staring lifelessly at the dash board. He shook his head, closing his eyes briefly before signalling a right turn. The affectionate little boy he knew had disappeared, retreating deeply within Squall's mind. It left a quiet, brooding child with eyes dulled by a pain no person should ever bear._

_He exhaled quietly before fixing a wide grin onto his face and turning to Squall. "Hey Squally, how's about we go bother Aerith and her folks for a nice dinner?"_

_Squall nodded complacently. Cid sighed. Maybe Aerith could bring back the little boy he was so fond of._

XXX

What the _hell_ was that?!

Trudging back up to the castle Cloud scowled, fingers flexing at his sides. He narrowed his eyes in thought as Leon's words and expression echoed across his mind, trying to pick up something from his memories that he failed to observe at the time. A frown marred his face as he looked skywards. There was not a lot to work with and he'd never been adept at reading people; that was more Tifa's forte. The absolute fear in those low, rasping _pleas _kept circling around him and he felt like he was missing something important. Curiosity slowly uncurled itself from deep within his mind, stretching and perking its ears much like a cat. A long finger tapped his chin, a sigh drifting in the cool night air; Leon had never had nightmares at Merlin's. They'd been forced to share the floor by the computer so he'd have definitely known if Leon had so much as twitched in his sleep. The castle was where they started…so maybe that was where whatever it was happened?

Life, Cloud had long since concluded, was like a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces were all connected yet separate in their own way. The edges of each piece marked by an event or perhaps a thought or feeling. Like a jigsaw's picture, to understand a person's life, you needed all the pieces to see it clearly. To understand _Leon_, Cloud needed to see those first pieces, the ones whose edges were marked with the beginning of the Heartless Invasion as opposed to those marked by the end of it.

The world which Radiant Garden resided on was dominated by the beautiful city. The misty mountains which surrounded it hosted communities, formed centuries ago by refugees from Radiant Garden during a period known as the Terror, which seldom exceeded five thousand unlike the great city which easily boasted a population of seventy thousand. Cloud's home was one of those provinces. As a child, whispers of illicit experiments in the castle and shadowy creatures stalking the city's nightlife had crept through his sleepy little town, fascinating and repelling him. Then just before his fifteenth birthday shadows had swarmed the town and he'd fallen into darkness.

Cloud leant against the castle gates, scowling thoughtfully at the stone path. Leon's eyes had seemed lighter in that moment, a lighter shade of grey-no, they were _silver_, honest –emotions surging and clashing, clamouring to be seen- pained…pure. Fear and a deeply ingrained hurt had dominated his eyes as tears shimmered over the other emotions, threatening to fall. His entire expression had been open, easily readable. His expression was one of terror.

Cloud frowned darkly. Normally Leon's expression was impossible to read, the brunet rarely exhibited emotions; the few times his expression had softened had been for Sora. His eyes, a darkened silver with swirls of dark blue intermingling, were normally…empty. Cloud twitched at the familiarity of that gaze, a perfect reflection of his own blue eyes. Eyes empty because dark things had somehow managed to edge their way into his heart, hurting and slowly killing him. _Sephiroth_. Sephiroth have given him his empty eyes but what or who had done the same to Leon? Had darkness seeped into the brunet's heart as it made his eyes so painfully empty? Somehow, despite the close group of friends constantly surrounding him that he clearly cared for, despite the resolute fervour he put into rebuilding Radiant Garden, Leon always seemed so lonely and empty-eyed. Cloud couldn't understand it; the man was a walking contradiction, full of purpose and surrounded by loved ones yet so lost, life meaningless, lonely. Much like him. He thought ruefully, a bitter smile twisting his lips.

He wished he knew just what had hurt the other man.

He wished he could understand Squall Leonhart.

And as hypocritical as it was, he wished those silver eyes would come to life.

XXX

_Wide green eyes narrowed as tiny pink lips pouted as Squall meekly accepted her suggestion._

"_Nooo Squall." Aerith cried, her sweetly musical, childish voice high in agitation, tugging his wrist gently. "Don't just say yes 'cause I want to. Do you want to?"_

_Squall looked at the floor, his silver eyes dulled and hollow within his heart shaped face._

_Tugging at her pigtails, Aerith felt like crying. "Squaaaall! Come ooon! What you wanna do? Come on Squall. At least smile for me!"_

_Squall blinked rapidly as moisture flooded his eyes. "Aer-Aeri…"_

"_Squall…ah! Are you okay? I didn't do a bad thing did I?" _

"_Can…can I have a-a hug?"_

_Squall found his arms full with his best friend, the tiny girl hugging him fiercely and cooing reassurances as he buried his head in her shoulder, gulping down breaths as he clutched back._

XXX

Aerith looked around Merlin's small living area in dismay, thankful the wizard had gone off to a mountain village therefore unable to see the mess his home was in; bottles were scattered across the floor, one bottle lay across the table, spilling an amber liquid across the surface which dripped onto the floor intermittently.

That the room positively _reeked_ of alcohol didn't help matters.

Sprawled out, half under the bed for some unknown reason was a leather-clad figure, brunet hair spilling over the floor around him. Aerith felt her eyes widened in astonishment, hurrying over and shaking his shoulder. "_Leon_?!"

Leon moaned softly, burying his head in his arms. "Too noishy."

She frowned sharply, prying his arms away and awkwardly dragging him out from beneath the bed and pulling him up onto it, arranging him in a sitting position leaning against the head board. Pressing a hand across his forehead she scowled lightly. "Honestly, drinking, laying on the floor…you'll wind up sick. Leon, what were you thinking?!"

"Hurtssh."

Aerith stilled at the simple word, memories of its previous use flooding her, hands falling to her side as her eyes widened in understanding. "Leon…you…had an episode today?"

He nodded limply, red-tinged eyes peering up at her. "Xeh-ha, Xena…_that guy_…the parlour…that _knife_ Aeri. It won't sshtop." He whimpered, curling into himself. "Why won't it sshtop? I-I dun wanna to hurt anymo'." He looked up at her piteously, eyes wide and watery. "Aeri, can…can I have a h-hug?"

"Oh Leon…" She slid onto the bed beside him, wrapping her arms securely around his shaking form. "It'll get better, I promise, _it'll get better_."

He looked down, choking softly on his breath as tears slipped down over his face. She cooed quietly at him, pulling him into a hug, her own eyes glimmering with unshed tears as Leon quietly cried himself to sleep.

XXX

"_Looky Squall!" She pointed a small finger to where a white cat sat preening on top of the fence. "Kitty!" She spun around suddenly, leaning in close as she peered at him intently. "Squall, did you know if you sees a white kitty on your birthy-day, one day you'll met your prince and fell in love?"_

_Squall's mouth hung open, indignation filling his eyes. "I'm a boy! Boys don't fell in love wit princes! They love princesses!"_

_Aerith pouted, her expression crestfallen as she puffed out her cheeks. "Awww. Your prince would look so cute." She smiled brightly at the image her mind concocted of her and her best friend with princes, and held out a hand. "We'll find our princes together won't we Squall?"_

"_But I'm a-" He broke off sighing at her wide eyed look of hope. Smiling fondly at her he slipped his hand into hers and nodded. "Yea, we'll find princes."_

XXX

Aerith sighed unhappily as Leon tossed about in his sleep, hopelessly tangling himself in the sheets. Rising from her seat near the fire she quietly went over and carefully untangled him, tucking the blankets more firmly around him, gently brushing his hair away from his face before retreating back to her seat. Resting her chin on a palm she watched as he began to toss and turn again. She sighed again as small cries emitted from the sleeping man, wishing she could do more. Leon had once said that being there was more than enough. Being there wasn't enough. She now contradicted, a bitter smile forming on her lips. If it was, Leon wouldn't be in such a state.

If being there was enough, Leon would've healed and Squall would've been back.

She could remember the child who'd been called Squall. He'd been an affectionate albeit overly shy little boy, hiding his face in his father's leg or clinging to her hand whenever they were out. The two of them had lived on the same street and played together since they were in diapers. He'd been taken to the castle by a distant cousin shortly after his parents' deaths. They'd been about six then and Aerith didn't seen him again until she was nine. He'd been so different then; where she'd expected her shy and sweet little friend, a withdrawn and lifeless boy stood, meekly agreeing to whatever she said the rare times he acknowledged the world outside his mind. As a child Aerith hadn't been able to cope with it and had often grown hysterical. When they were forced to flee to Traverse Town, shortly after Squall's fourteenth birthday, she'd finally learnt. In a hollow voice Squall had told her just what had occurred at the castle as he watched their world, swept in darkness, slowly recede as the gummi ship sped through inter-space.

_I just wish you could be happy…Squall._

XXX

Yuffie sneezed as Tifa blew the dust off of the thin folder they'd found wedged tightly between two thick books whose titles prominently announced them to be in depth discussions on various weed killers. No wonder no one touched them. Yuffie thought irritably as she sniffled, waving a hand in front of her face to clear the dust. Who wants to read a book that thick about _weed killers_? Actually who'd want to read anything about weed killers? Actually, who'd want to write it? What a waste of paper. It could've been written to write about the Great Ninja Yuffie. Poor paper.

Tifa eyed her with amusement as the younger girl grumbled and catalogued the books before peeking at the cover of the folder. Tifa frowned when she found it blank. "Odd." She murmured, flipping it open. Scanning the front page, she found an essay and quickly scanned the introduction. "Oh!"

"Tifa? What ya find?" Yuffie leaned over her arm peering at the folder. "Oh." She echoed in surprise. "It's one of Ansem's reports. I never saw this one. Better read it Tifa, might have something the others will want to know about."

X

_To prove this hypothesis I've selected a young child whose heart I shall extensively study..._

Tifa and Yuffie raised their eyes from the tattered notes, exchanging identical looks of mingling realisation and horror.

"Oh my god." Tifa rasped. "That bastard was sicker than we thought."

TBC

Sooooorry for the long wait! Afor such a short piece! This isn't my best piece of work but anymore and I'll kill my poor brain.


	4. Chapter Three

Chibified Youkai 101: Honestly, Chibi-chan here is probably my favourite reviewer, she's reviewed just about everything I've posted and gives the nicest reviews a girl could ever ask for, therefore this chapter's for you hun, enjoy. :D

**Chapter Three**

_Night after Night I wake up  
__Shaking cause my world is breaking  
__I'm fool enough to fail again  
__Night after Night I wake up  
__Crying cause I feel like dying  
__Still disconnected.  
_-Night after Night (out of the shadows), Rasmus

XXX

"Aerith, Aerith!" Aerith murmured under her breath as a firm hand gripped her shoulder, shaking insistently. "Wake up!"

She sighed dreamily, turning over. "Five more minutes…"

A low amused snort responded. "Fine, but Yuffie burned down the kitchen. Pity really…"

"Yuffie…burned…_kitchen_?!" Aerith let out a shriek, jumping up from her mattress and looking around the cluttered room wildly. "Who let her in there? Good grief! Tell me it's _salvageable_."

"Told you it would wake her." Cid snickered, looking at Cloud triumphantly. Cloud shrugged indifferently, focusing intently on the pretty brunette as she slowly calmed down, green eyes darting to Merlin's bed and widening in surprise when she found it empty.

"Cid, where's Leon?"

The two blondes exchanged looks. Cid cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his head.

"Well, that's what we wanna know darling. We were meant to meet at the café for breakfast. Bastard never showed up."

"He might be at the bailey." She suggested thoughtfully. "You know how he is about the restoration project."

"Fucker." Cid muttered, sighing his exasperation. "Alright, I'll go drag 'im to get something to eat."

Cloud fidgeted as Cid stormed back out, rubbing the back of his neck as Aerith started to pack away her bedding. "Um, Aerith? Can we talk later on?" As she turned around curiously, he drew in a steadying breath. "It's about Leon."

XXX

He didn't know why he was here. He'd awoken and cursed existence when a painful hangover made itself known before fumbling about the cupboards for a potion. He then threw his blanket over the shivering Aerith as she slept on obliviously before leaving. The next thing he knew he was standing outside the castle and then another blank before finding himself at his current location, debating whether or not he had the courage to go in.

Leon stood outside the castle's old music room with a hand out stretched to grab the doorknob. Small tremors shook his body as he glowered at the innocent door.

"This is ridiculous." He muttered angrily to himself, clenching his hands into fists. "It's _just a room_."

XXX

Cid had been searching for Leon for over an hour when Tifa and Yuffie emerged from the library. Tifa instantly shoved a plain folder into his hands, a dark look on her face. "Look at this. It's some sort of report."

Cid eyed the cover curiously before looking back up. "Where d'ya find it Tifa?"

"The library." Yuffie supplied before the other girl could reply, she wrinkled her nose as she added disdainfully. "Between two books on _weed killers_."

Cid snorted. "I'm surprised _you_ found it then."

Yuffie pouted, her arms folded over her chest as she tipped her back to look up hurtfully at the man.

"That look don't work on me Yuffie." He grunted flicking the folder open. He gave the front page a quick glance, freezing when a sentence at the end caught his eye. He read over it again more carefully, his cigarette falling from his mouth as the blood drained from his face.

"Cid?" Tifa asked hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

"Who else has seen this?" He asked quietly.

"No one." She replied casting an uneasy glance at Yuffie. The look was returned. "Cid, what is this about? I meant it's obvious that the experiments into the heart went a little further then anyone believed but-"

"Now listen to me." Cid cut in swiftly, hands clenching the thin folder tightly. "No one is hear about this, got that? I'll deal with it, which means I'll keep this with me. Just don't talk about it, clear?"

Yuffie opened her mouth to speak but promptly snapped it shut when she caught Cid's dark look. Nodding she looked back up at Tifa. The older woman was frowning, lips a thin white line as her brows furrowed. Reluctantly they both nodded. Though, Cid knew from the hard light in Yuffie's eyes that she wasn't going to drop it. No doubt she'd nag him for information the instant she found him alone.

Dandy.

XXX

Trembling fingers grasped the innocuous doorknob, curling around the silver appendage as Leon tried to muster up the courage to enter the room.

"It's just a room." He murmured to himself, fingers tightening on the knob. "It's just a room."

The image of his Dalmatian, skull cracked and blood trickling from her head flashed through his mind, Xehanort's golden eyes simmering with malice quickly replacing it as a steady hand held up a familiar knife…

Leon choked, stumbling back until he hit the other wall, sliding down to curl up shaking.

It was more than just a room.

XXX

The broken balcony near the Castle Chapel provided a lovely view of the mountains north of the city. Cloud sat on the edge staring wistfully over the expanse of mountains, turned golden in the light of the sunset, a touch of purple tinged the small cap of snow at their tips. His eyes fixed on a mountain towards the west, pinpointing a spot roughly two-thirds up the snowy forest-covered slope; the spot where his home town sat. He sighed quietly, bringing a knee up to his chest and slinging an arm over it.

From the corner of his eye he saw a slim figure in pink sit beside him, slender legs tucking under her as she sat facing him.

"Cloud?"

He looked over at her as she shifted uneasily, emerald eyes troubled as they peered up at him.

"You wanted to talk about Leon earlier…?"

He nodded, shifting his body to face her, legs crossing as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Um, yesterday at the Bailey, Leon…something happened…erm…" he made a helpless gesture with his hands.

Aerith smiled sympathetically, understanding settling in her green eyes. "An episode." She finished softly. "He told me about it last night."

His eyebrow rose again, a frown quickly forming. "An…episode?"

Aerith made her own little helpless gesture. "It's what we call them."

"_Them_?" Cloud's voice sharpened, his face contorting in anger. "This happens _often_?'

She sighed, turning to look over the landscape, her hands wringing in her lap. "Unfortunately," She admitted quietly. "Leon…has a rather traumatic past. The episodes…well, flashbacks, really. He gets pulled into his mind and vividly relives moments of his childhood." She rubbed her shoulder awkwardly. "He tends to be out of it for awhile after one happens, like his senses are muted." She shrugged helplessly. "He differentiates the world by pain and comfort in those moments."

Cloud frowned again, shifting on his spot as he sought something to say. "What happened?" He finally settled on lamely.

Aerith shook her head sadly, her fingers tightly interweaving in front of her as she stood up. "I can't tell you that Cloud, it's not my right." She bit her lower lip, looking at him pleadingly. "You won't…bother Leon about this will you? He doesn't want anyone to know something's wrong."

"Something is wrong." He snapped moodily, sweeping a glare over the castle behind them. "Leon needs help."

"I know that." She agreed softly. "But I can't force Leon to do talk about it." She drew in a breath, continuing shakily. "It's horrible Cloud, believe me, you haven't seen the worst of it, Leon's so broken, and sometimes I wonder if we can ever piece him back together."

Cloud bit back a sharp rebut, drawn to the tears shimmering precariously in Aerith's eyes as she worried her lower lip, looking up at him so pleadingly that he withdrew with a soft grunt.

"I should get back to work."

XXX

Work at the Bailey, to say the least, was uncomfortable. It was midsummer and the sun was beating mercilessly on their backs as the group began the last of the clearing. Merlin fidgeted uneasily at the stiff silence as he sent another pile of rubble walking over to the machine Cid was using to break them into tiny pieces. Cloud was working diligently on debris near the magician while Leon kept a frosty distance, working far on the other side of the site, rebuilding the wall on the cleared area with the help of a group of townspeople.

Yuffie was ready to scream.

It was too quiet, too orderly and waaaaay too dull.

So when somebody screamed, it could be viewed as understandable that she almost laughed in relief until others started to panic, weapons quickly drawn while the townspeople ran back into the city. Clutching her own weapon she followed Aerith's dark gaze and turned around, eyes widening as her jaw dropped a little in shock.

Well, fuck.

Along the cliff facing the city gates and on the path in front of it was an army of Heartless. For a moment it was still and silent then it was as if she'd blinked; the Heartless were charging forward as the committee members hurtled towards them, weapons flashing as the sun hit them before dulling as they sliced through the creatures, hearts floating up to the sky.

The sun was beginning to set by the time they'd managed to destroy all the Heartless.

Cid muttered a curse under his breath, rubbing his shoulder as his pike clattered to the ground. "Damn."

"Second that." Yuffie panted raising a hand from where she lay on the ground. "Can't they attack in winter? It's too hot right now!"

Tifa snorted in amusement as she dusted off her gloves, looking around the site ruefully. "So much for clearing."

Cid winced as he looked around the chaotically messy site. "Fuck, almost worse than when we began."

Above them a Surveillance Robot Heartless fired a shot at the bailey. The noise alerting the group to lone Heartless which Yuffie nailed with a well aimed throwing knife seconds after part of the bailey exploded, sending a wave of rock and concrete thundering down onto the construction site.

They scattered, scrambling backwards just as the first pieces hit the ground with loud cracks. Coughs permeated the air as thick clouds of dust swirled around them. Cid lifted his shirt to cover his mouth and nose as he slapped his goggles over his eyes with his other hand. "Y'all alright?" He hollered.

Merlin answered him as he waved his wand, dispelling the dust. "Yes, yes, I think we're all fine Cid. Dear me." He muttered taking his dust-ridden glasses off and beginning to clean them. Behind him, Yuffie and Tifa were shaking the dust off of their clothes and hair; Cloud calmly swept the dust off of his shoulders and helping Aerith to her feet.

After hurriedly looking around, Aerith startled everyone with a loud cry, darting towards the large pile of fallen debris and hurriedly digging through it. Soft sobs shook her body as she tried to tear through it, sharp pieces of rock slicing her fingers open and cutting her arms as she threw them back.

"Aerith!" Curling an arm around her waist Cloud hauled her back, almost letting her go when she struggled, wincing as a sharp thumb nail took a chunk of skin from his wrist. "Calm down!"

"Leon!" She cried, frantically trying to pull herself out of his grip. "Leon's under there! Let me go! _Leon!_"

Everyone froze as a rock fell away to reveal a black glove clenched loosely around the gunblade, Cloud's grip loosened in shock allowing Aerith to slip out of his grip and hurry forward again. Cid jumped forward and pulled her back as Merlin lifted his wand and quickly levitated the debris and placed it over by the cliff to reveal Leon lying face down, one leg bent at an odd angle and frighteningly still. Yuffie uttered a low cry, hiding her face against Tifa's side as the woman paled, a hand flying to her mouth. Cid cursed loudly, Aerith whimpered, taking a few steps forward before stopping again, hand outstretched and trembling.

'_No. he's just unconscious. He's not…he's not. Not him. Nononono._' Cloud's heart was pounding thunderously in his ribcage, his entire body clammy and cold as he forced himself to move forward, his limbs feeling unnaturally heavy as he knelt beside Leon and gently turning him onto his back. Cloud felt a choking fear engulf him as he looked over the brunet; clothes torn and exposed pale skin covered in cuts and bruises, the painless expression on Leon's pale face streaked grey from dust, and the stillness of his chest almost convinced Cloud that the other was dead as he sought out Leon's pulse with shaky fingers.

Relief flooded him when he felt a faint throbbing beneath his fingers. His expression lightening as warmth returned to his body, washing over him like waves over the shore. "He's alive." He rasped as Merlin knelt beside him, a green light seeping from the aged magician's fingers to Leon. Bruises disappeared as cuts stitched themselves together, Cloud grimaced as the broken leg snapped back together, tightening his grip around Leon's shoulders as he watched his chest slowly rise and fall again, painful wheezes slipping past pink lips as colour slowly returned to Leon's face.

"T-that was too close." Merlin uttered as he stood again, wringing his hands. "We almost would've been attending a funeral."

"But he'll be okay right?" Yuffie's quiet voice pulled the elder's attention to where she stood clutching Tifa's arm, eyes bright and as wide as dinner plates as she stared at him worriedly.

Merlin nodded, a smile crinkling his face as he looked back down at the unconscious male. "He'll need bed rest for awhile. Magic can only do so much, his body needs time to recuperate and complete the healing process. He shouldn't walk on that leg for awhile either." He stroked his beard thoughtfully as he looked skyward. "He'll most likely maintain half consciousness for another week or so. It would be best if someone could stay with him at all times."

"I will." Cloud spoke up as he stood, Leon cradled carefully in his arms.

Cid looked uncertain. "If you're sure…"

Aerith smiled faintly, placing a hand on Cid's arm as she nodded. "He can handle it. Thank you, Cloud." She looked over at Tifa imploringly. "Is your bar finished? He can't stay at the castle or at Merlin's; neither is peaceful enough with all the committee work there."

"The bar and my flat above it." Tifa replied proudly as she gestured in the general direction of the marketplace while fishing in her pocket with her spare hand and withdrawing a small key. "It's on the other side of the shops Cloud, same name as the old one." She grinned cheekily as she slipped the key into his pocket. "Put him in the master bedroom, the guest room's a little drafty. You can have that one."

Cloud nodded once before turning on his heel and carefully making his way back into the city, vividly conscious of the weight of Leon's head against his shoulder and light warm breath rhythmically puffing against the side of his neck.

XXX

"Cloud? Cloud! Wake up."

Gentle hands shaking him by the shoulder pulled out of the world of sleep, Cloud raised foggy eyes to stare up at the blurry pink image as it spoke.

"Have you been sitting there all night? That's not very healthy now, is it?" Aerith watched him with amusement. The utterly unfocused look as he stared first at her then at the room before performing a nose-dive back into the burrow of his arms was entertaining to say the least. She shook her head as soft snores rose from the blonde, clucking her tongue in good humour before picking up a jug of icy water from the dresser and calmly pouring it over his head.

Cloud tumbled from his chair with a yelp. Teeth clattering loudly he looked up with a frosty glare, the cold-induced shivers ruining any intimidation he may have had.

Unperturbed Aerith gestured towards the bed where Leon lay fast asleep. "Has he woken at all?"

"He's been peaceful." He answered softly with a slight shake of his head.

Aerith sat at the end of the bed silently watching as Cloud smoothed the blankets and tucked them in tighter, brushing dark bangs out of Leon's face whenever they fell over his eyes and nose. After a moment she smiled, shoulders relaxing as she lifted her head, a finger tapping Cloud's shoulder as she fixed brilliant green eyes on him.

"What are your feelings for Leon, Cloud?"

XXX To Be Continued.

Guh, flames are heading my way I know it, but gimmie a break, I'm writing this at an unearthly hour.


	5. Chapter Four

Amethy is very giddy as she's received some very nice reviews. Therefore, Amethy has deemed it necessary to warn the regular reviewers who leave such kind offerings to her humble piece of fanfiction that if she ever met them in person she'd probably glomp them silly and refuse to let go while babbling about the Cloud/Leon love. You know you all feel the love.

A/N: Tried something a little different with this chapter so feedback would be appreciated…pweety pwease?

It's also shorter than previous chapters but please be nice okay? I'll make the next one longer and updates should be more regular now cause I've actually set a schedule for everything and I'm not allowed coffee or on online if I break it. Very good incentive.

_Hold your head down now  
__Just let me pass by  
__Don't feed my fear  
__If you don't want it out  
__I fear who I am becoming  
__I feel that I'm losing all beauty within  
__I can no longer restrain it  
__My strength it is fading  
__I have to give in  
_-It's the Fear, Within Temptation

**Chapter Four**

Cloud tapped his watch as he caught Cid's eye and jerked his head back towards the city. When the older blond nodded he raised a hand in farewell and climbed over the equipment back into the bailey and started towards Tifa's.

As he walked past Merlin's the man popped his head out the door and waved jovially before darting back inside at the sound of a loud bang. Cloud closed his eyes briefly in amusement, shaking his head as he turned down the alley and headed towards the marketplace, enjoying the peaceful walk, eyes soft as children darted past laughingly in the midst of a game of tag or something similar.

Even though it'd been nearly four years since Sora had expelled Maleficent and Xehanort's Heartless from Radiant Garden, Cloud still found himself stopping to look at the content and peace that existing within the city walls, the bright smiles of people he passed, so full of hope, as though darkness had never set foot on their world.

He shook his head in amazement. Humans. They could be so fragile, so dark and so selfish yet they could also be so strong and full of light. Contradictions whatever they did.

Like Leon.

Cloud sighed as he leant against a cottage wall, one hand lightly slapping against his cheek as he raised his eyes to clear sky above. It seemed that lately the brunet was never too far from his thoughts.

---------  
_Golden eyes gleamed in a mockery of fatherly indulgence. "It's time Squall." The child startled, eyes glazing over as he quivered in trepidation. A tanned hand reached for him, he cried out, a sob choking his wordless plea.  
_--------

Thick curtains blocked the sun from the homely looking bedroom, a few small rays of golden light peeking in through the tiny gaps to lap at the thick dark carpet and freshly painted walls. A king-sized bed, situated against the centre of the door opposite a freshly varnished door, held a shifting figure beneath its thick plaid duvet and off white sheets which slowly curled around the twisting body. In the stillness of the room each toss and turn the figure made became more pronounced. The tiny shifts produced soft rustles that seemed to echo across the silent room. A pale hand rested on the dark pillow beside Leon's head, soft brown hair spilled over the pillow and closed eyelids. Thin brows furrowed in agitation as a small gasp was unconsciously let out, a hint of white teeth gleaming between the slightly parted lips. Turning onto his back, a long white neck suddenly became bared to the ceiling as the head tossed back into an arch.

---------  
_A tainted heart encrusted in ice; warmth will never touch it, can never aspire to melt the glacier because of that Light can never touch the darkness which still lingers.  
_---------

Cloud's nose twitched and his stomach gave a little gurgle as the tantalising smells of cooking wafted from the open windows of the surrounding cottages, the content singing of wives as they flittered about indoors waltzed soothingly into his ears accompanied by the animated yells of children still playing outside in the slowly setting sun. Closing his eyes again he relaxed visibly for a moment before he pushed off from the wall and slowly began to climb the stairs leading to the market place.

Scourge McDuck greeted him politely as he reached the top, the nephews waving energetically from their shop before turning back to their conversation, voices high and excitable. Cloud paused, eyeing the large freezer thoughtfully for a moment before stepping up to Scourge and pressing some munny into his hands, pointing to a container of vanilla ice cream. The duck nodded, fervently pocketing the munny before sliding the ice cream into a plastic bag and handing it to the blonde with a chirpy farewell. Cloud nodded a reply, curling his fingers more tightly around the bag as he crossed the square, casually rounding the accessories store and strolling down the alleyway behind it to a side door. A sign painted onto the heavy wooden door proudly proclaiming it to be 'The Seventh Heaven' above the black ring of the door handle which Cloud grasped firmly and gave a sharp yank, the door opening with the faintest of creaks.

Inside Cloud gave the bar a quick curious scan, shaking his head softly when he saw the wall behind the bar already littered with photographs. On his way to the stairs he paused as the phone rang once then switched to the answering machine, Yuffie's cheerful voice echoing in the quiet tavern as she announced the results of 'Leon-sitting' which were, in her words, "Sleep, Yuffie went to play video games, _still_ sleeping, _oooh_ he rolled over twice! Played more games, Leon still sleeping, snore, whimper, sleep…did I mention all the sleeping he did, Cloudy?". Cloud frowned for a moment, the news of Leon's unchanged condition producing an odd sinking feeling inside before he stalked into the kitchen to store the ice cream in the freezer, making a mental note to inform Aerith that Yuffie was to _never_ look after Leon again.

---------  
_I must get away. I must. His lungs burned and his breath came in short frightened gasps. Squall looked forward again and choked back a horror-filled sob as he dashed past the lifeless carcass of his beloved Dalmatian, Shiva. The hallway narrowed as a thick oak door suddenly loomed ahead. His face was flushed with exertion as he forced his aching legs to move faster.  
_---------

The sheets were now wrapped tightly around Leon's legs, trapping them and halting their movements, his arms broke free of his burrow, grasping fistfuls of the duvet as his head thrashed from side to side on the pillow. Sweat glistened on pale skin, plastering dark hair across his forehead, the silent whimpers slowly rising, transfiguring into screams.

---------  
_That darkness comes from your own dark memories… Because the light…is too much!  
_---------

Cloud sat at the kitchen table, his chin resting on his palm as he stared blankly out the window. Trying to unravel the tangle life had suddenly twisted into as he drummed his fingers on the varnished wood loudly.

Leon.

Aerith's question last night had caught him by surprise. He still wasn't sure just what he felt. Leon had been on his mind a lot lately but he still didn't know why, still wondered if he had the courage to ask himself why. He'd told her told that he didn't know and she responded with a knowing smile before leaving. Cloud frowned, stilling his fingers, pondering over Leon. He'd always known from the way it was so painless to look at the man that Leon wasn't untouched by darkness and it had been confirmed recently by the spate of nightmares but now he had to wonder; did that same darkness still dwell in the brunet?

At that point his tangling thoughts were interrupted by a familiar soul-piercing scream sending him sprinting up the stairs three at a time. _  
_

---------  
_The door remained closed.  
_---------

Cloud didn't pause to take in the scene that greeted him before trying to pull Leon out of his sleep, lifting him up slightly as he shook the brunet by his shoulders.

"Oh god…no, please! Not the knife! Someone! Please! _Help_!"

Cloud nearly dropped him in shock. His heart suddenly felt like it had dropped down into his stomach which churned sickeningly. His hands tightened on Leon's shoulders as he gritted his teeth, bright blue eyes flashing like lightning as another piece of Leon's puzzle fell into place.

Someone had clearly hurt Leon, either with intention to kill or over an extended period of time.

And it had to have been when the man was still a kid. His teeth clenched tightly as he returned to waking Leon up with renewed vigour, one had rising to slap his face. "Leon, snap out of it damnit!"

Grey eyes snapped open, dark with fear and bright with tears in a fear-flushed face as Leon struggled to breath. Something in Cloud broke at the broken aura surrounding the brunet as Leon reached out blindly with trembling hands. The blonde quickly gathered him close, resting a cheek on the sweat drenched hair, hands darting up and down the tense spine in a soothing rub as Leon tried to pull himself back together, shaking violently.

"Let it out Leon."

As Leon slowly sobbed himself back to sleep, Cloud patiently continued his ministrations; murmurs of comfort softly brushing Leon's ear as he resolved to drill Aerith for more information. Leon needed help and he needed it now. Gently tucking the other back under the sheets Cloud decided not to worry over Aerith's question; he'd simply follow the river for now, if he needed to, he could swim against the current later.

---------  
…_The ice is cracking…  
_---------


	6. Chapter Five

**Leonhart-less**: All Amethyst will say is that you're _half_ right…Please say you won't get mad cause I won't elaborate, I can do the puppy eyes… oooh, thanks for point out the typos, I'm re-re-checking them now.

**Chibified-Youkai101**: don't worry hun, so long as you enjoy it I don't care how short your reviews are (so long as you do review!). I'm still going to glomp you.

**Andromeda90:** Thank you I was actually a little worried about that last line, thought it might've been corny...

**Silver-Angel-Wings:** Thank you, hope you enjoy this chapter.

(Did I leave any regular reviewers out? Please tell me I didn't cause I really wanted to acknowledge you guys and yes, I'm glomping the life out of you all)

A/N: This was meant to be posted earlier but I wasn't having a very good time lately so the update was delayed.

You know what I realised though? This is the fifth chapter and the stars of this fic have barely interacted with each other…hoo boy.

_T__his is me for forever  
One without a name  
These lines the last endeavour  
To find the missing lifeline  
_

_Oh how I wish  
For soothing rain  
All I wish is to dream again  
My loving heart  
Lost in the dark  
For hope I'd give my everything  
_Nemo by Nightwish

**Chapter Five**

Aerith hurried through the borough towards Tifa's, waving quickly to Merlin as she darted past his cottage and around the corner. Yuffie was jogging alongside her with barely contained excitement. Once the marketplace came into view the ninja took off running with a whoop. Aerith slowed down, trying to regulate her breath as she walked across the square, waving politely to shopkeepers before darting around the corner to the bar. The door had been left swinging open in Yuffie's wake; a few gob smacked customers staring drunkenly at the stairs behind the bar as the girl could be heard shrieking her glee from above in the form of 'Leon! You _are_ awake!'

Aerith shook her head lightly, sharing a quick look with Tifa before disappearing upstairs, her skirts swishing noisily in accompaniment to the thuds of her boots. A bright smile lit her features as she walked into the bedroom and found Leon half-sitting up in bed, slowly being choked by Yuffie's hug, grey eyes wide in horror as they swung around to stare her imploringly. She chuckled softly and started forward, hands rising to pry Yuffie off when another set, belonging to muscular arms, beat her to it. Black gloves creaked slightly as the ninja' s arms were gripped tightly and tugged away from Leon, the girl lifted up almost effortlessly and deposited in a chair. She pouted, raising sulky eyes to the impassive blue set staring down at her. Aerith watched in interest as she quietly sat down on the other side of the bed, a hand patting Leon's shoulder absently.

Cloud raised an eyebrow as Yuffie's pouting increased; her eyes widening imploringly as her lip jutted out further with a threat of tears. A small smirk quirked one corner of his mouth as he folded his arms, eyebrow lowering as he stared back resolutely. "No."

Slouching in her seat, Yuffie averted her eyes huffily as she gave a low incoherent mutter.

"Leon does need air to live, Yuffie." Aerith placated soothingly. "You can hug him when he's better." She ignored the startled look the man threw at her, smiling sweetly as she patted his hand. "How are you feeling Leon?"

"Like a ton of bricks fell on me." He replied dryly.

Yuffie snorted loudly. Cloud lifted a hand and calmly cuffed her on the head. She slouched down further, rubbing her head and glowering up at him darkly. He ignored her as he gathered up the dirty dishes from breakfast and took them downstairs. Yuffie stuck her tongue out at his back.

An hour or so later when black clouds loomed closer with the threat of a storm, Aerith forced Yuffie to leave with her, urging Leon to get some rest as she ushered the protesting girl downstairs and called out a farewell to Tifa and Cloud. Leon shook his head as he slumped back against the pillows, eyes sinking closed. His brows furrowed as the door creaked open again a minute later, cracking one eye open and then the other as Cloud walked in and sat on the edge of his bed, staring down at him. Leon tilted his head curiously as Cloud made a few attempts to talk, mouth opening and closing like a fish's, feeling his heart drop when Cloud finally spoke.

"Leon, about yesterday…what…?"

He looked away brusquely, jaw tightening. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Leon." Cloud inhaled sharply, a slight glower narrowing his eyes as the hand he reached out with was batted away.

"Leave me alone." Brittle ice covered the words, Cloud caught sight of a faint tremble dancing over the brunet's body and sighed, conceding defeat as he reluctantly stood up, staring down at the brunet with an oddly tender light in his intense blue eyes.

"Alright." He muttered reaching down to clasp a bare hand briefly. "If you want to talk later, I'll be here."

When he was gone, Leon laughed, harsh and low as tremors shook his body.

XXX

Aerith looked at the blonde standing in the gateway of the castle, drenched from the harsh rain now slapping against his back, a little despairingly as he panted, apparently having run the entire distance. "Cloud…"

The blonde sighed, running a hand through his spikes as he looked at her helplessly. "Aerith, tell me something about his past, _**please**_."

------  
_When I was a little girl, I used to live in the southern suburb closest to the city gates; it used to be called Sakura Grotto because of all the cheery blossom trees once there. Down the street from my home lived the Leonhart family. Squall and I grew up together; we were best friends. He was so different then; he was so unbelievably shy, whenever we went out to town, he'd always hide against his father's leg or cling to my hand. He was really affectionate too, in little ways like a hug or holding your hand, and the sweetest little acts of kindness, all done with an adorable smile. See? Here's a picture of us. Squall's adorable with those dimples isn't he? I miss him. After his parents died, everything changed.  
_------

After a week's rest, Merlin had proclaimed him fit again and the others hadn't really seen him since. He stopped by Tifa's to sleep every night, so exhausted that she hadn't the heart to keep him up any longer but rather felt obligated to rush him to the nearest bed; he was out before he even hit the pillow. He was up and gone before anyone else had even stirred from their sleep. They knew from the shopkeepers that Leon appeared infrequently in the marketplace to buy a breakfast or a lunch or sometimes just a piece of fruit around 3pm. The committee hadn't a clue what was going on until a week later when a middle aged woman from a newly developing western suburb came up to them, gushing over how quickly the elusive brunet had built up the area and goodness, she could barely recognise it as the mud-ridden swamp she'd moved into and isn't he such a shy little sweetie?

The group sat silently in Merlin's for a long time after her departure, the poster with the timetable for projects sitting on the table between them, eyes drawn to the western suburb's name, marked halfway down the page as being a new project in a month's time.

Cid ground his cigarette into the ash tray with a low growl. "Damn, the little fucker's avoiding us."

Eyes overshadowed by hurt, Aerith stared down at the table as she wrung her hands together in her lap. "It's his health I'm worried about." She murmured miserably. "He's eating less than ever from what I've been told. He's working too hard and sleeping too little. He can't keep that up for long Cid, especially not so soon after recovering."

Yuffie sat with a scowl on her face. "Why's he being such an emo anyway? Even Cloud's not _that_ bad."

"Thanks." The blonde muttered, crossing his arms.

Cid and Aerith exchanged looks and nodded to each other. Cid stood up and gestured for Tifa to follow. "C'mon girl, the Bailey's won't repair itself. Cloud, Yuffie, see if you can track that idiot down for me. Give him a good kick to the ass. Bring him here and keep him here 'til I can talk with the fucker. Aerith, you needed a word with Merlin so hop to."

As the other four left Merlin turned to the brunet with a patient smile. "Yes my dear?"

She worried her lower lip for a moment before looking up. "You can brew a dreamless sleep potion can't you?"

"Yes, yes, quite a simple task, really. Mind if I ask why?"

She paused for a moment, clearly mulling over her answer before nodding to herself. "It's for Leon, he's been having a lot of nightmares lately." She hesitated for a moment before elaborating a little further. "They're about his past I'm afraid."

"Oh dear, dear, dear…" Merlin murmured stroking his beard. "Aerith my girl, I can brew the potion for you but Leon shouldn't use it too frequently; it can have some rather nasty side effects in large doses. Besides," he looked at her sternly, waggling a bony finger at her. "The boy should get some professional help if it's that bad. Take the advice of an old man, my dear; one needs to face the past in order to face the future. He can use the potion for now but promise me you'll get him the help he needs."

"I'll try."

------  
_Shortly afterwards, one of his relatives took him to live at the castle, -We've only recently learnt the full extent of what happened. No, I won't tell you that- I didn't see him again for three years. One day Cid left in his car and came back with Squall sitting in the passenger seat. By then the damage had been well and truly done. Squall was turning into Leon. The transition was completed the day the Heartless forced us off this world and he abandoned his name. During those first few years away from home, Leon had terrible nightmares, sometimes we couldn't even wake him no matter what we did; we almost had to hospitalise him a few times…I'm afraid neither of us coped with it very well. There were too many tears during those years. Anytime new arrivals came to Traverse Town with stories of the Heartless and the disappearance of their worlds, Leon would withdraw into himself a little more; the guilt nearly drove him mad. He stopped living, he wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep. He started to fade away…_

**What changed it?  
**------

He probably shouldn't have brushed Cloud off like that; the blonde was only trying to help. Leon shifted uneasily as he tested a window he'd just installed. After all, he thought guiltily, Cloud had came up and found him having a nightmare a-and…comforted him. Tender blue orbs flashed into his mind's eye. He flushed; the light pink spreading over his face and tinting his ears as he closed the window again.

'_Let it out'_ He'd said and Leon had actually done so. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he made his way to his toolbox. That had been embarrassing. Only Aerith and Cid had ever seen him like that, seen him so weak.

Guilt and a messy tangle of detrimental emotions were still gnawing at him as an old lady tugged feebly on his arm and insisted that he stop work for a moment, sit down and eat some of her freshly made chicken soup. He shook his head, politely declining and thanking her for her concern before picking up his tools and walking into the house where the electricity wasn't functioning properly. As he climbed down the sturdy stairs leading down into the basement he shivered as cold air crept down the back of his shirt, raising goose-bumps. He gripped the handrail tightly as he stepped onto the concrete floor, feeling a little dizzy. Carefully shaking his head, he kept a hand pressed to his temple as he walked slowly towards the fuse box, that nauseating feeling coiling around his stomach as his head throbbed beneath his fingers. His legs suddenly felt too weak, trembling beneath his weight, so he carefully sat down, leaning his head against the cool stone of the wall next to him as he tried to wait out the dizzy spell.

_A glint of golden eyes suddenly appeared alongside a familiar hand clenching a familiar knife_; he slumped over shivering as his breathing suddenly became a struggle. "No…" He rasped slithering backwards awkwardly into the corner. _Silver hair shone in a non-existent light as the knife lifted up into the air in preparation_. "Please, no."

Tender blue orbs flashed suddenly through his mind, the apparition vanished. Leon choked back a sobbing laugh as he collapsed, feeling darkness creeping up on him. Suddenly it occurred to him when he failed to stand up that this was it. He'd finally reached his limit, broken it and his last reserves, last defences. He smiled bitterly as his eyes watered. This was it. But it was okay. No one would mourn him.

After all, who would miss the man responsible for the first Heartless to taint their world?

------  
_We met King Mickey who told us about the keyblade and how it could save the worlds. Somehow, Leon came alive after that; he dedicated himself to studying any available information about the key, spending hours pouring over books or having long talks with the King. That's why when Sora came, Leon knew so much about his role as the keyblade master. I also think it's partly why Leon's so fond of Sora; he spent years learning about the fabled keyblade master and then met him, advised him, comforted and encouraged him, fought alongside him. How could he not like Sora? I think the other reason is because Leon sees so much of Squall in Sora. That innocent view on life, optimistic courage and firm loyalty. __Squall__ and Sora would both go to the ends of every world for their friends. Leon would too but it's different. His heart has been closed off since he lived at the castle. He's too scared to open it again. _

**Maybe he just needs a little help.  
**------

Something felt wrong the instant he arrived with Yuffie in the newly developed western suburb. Cloud paused, looking around him with surprise at the rows of little cottages neatly lining the wide street. It looked charming, peaceful even as small scatterings of children and pets darted over newly laid front lawns. Content elderly rocked on rocking chairs safe from the sun under their verandas as they watched the youth and reminisced about their own childhoods. Peaceful, content.

Why did it feel so gloomy, so…dark?

Something felt very wrong. Cloud thought as Yuffie bounced over to an elderly couple with a charming smile to accompany her sweetly-spoken questions. He suddenly felt like lead rested in his chest, heavy and disturbing as his stomach sank with a sickening feeling.

Worry, he thought. I'm worried…and scared. He took a few steadying breaths as he felt his eyes drawn to a little cottage at the end of the street. Despite its freshly painted white walls it seemed…Cloud frowned, wrong. Something about that house…

He started forward, dimly aware of Yuffie hurrying after him, a grateful shout to the couple as she ran after him, calling his name. His pace quickened instinctively, pants swishing noisily as his boots slapped out a fast beat on the asphalt. The little cottage suddenly appeared in front of him, he pushed the door open, vaguely aware of his foot hitting something before he was introduced to the floor.

Yuffie stood behind him impatiently tapping her foot. "Honestly Cloud, look where you're going!"

He snorted pulling himself into a kneeling position and peering over at the metal box sitting innocently behind him. He stilled. _Leon's_. That was one of Leon's toolboxes.

He quickly stood up again, eyes darting over the closed doors and lingering on the singular open door. Walking over he peered curiously inside, looking down when he realised it was a basement before carefully walking down.

"Clooouuud!" Yuffie appeared at the top of the stairs just as he reached the foot of them. Her youthful face scrunched up in a scowl. "What are you doing? The lady said Leon hasn't been seen for awhile. He's probably gone for lunch."

Cloud's retort died on his tongue as his eyes fell on a crumpled figure in the corner. He was across the room in a few long strides, kneeling down and carefully turning the familiar leather-clad body face-up. His breath caught in his throat, mouth going painfully dry as Leon's pale face with bluish lips suddenly slipped into view as the dark curtain of hair slid to the side. Cloud tugged off a glove, instantly searching out Leon's weakened pulse.

From the stairs Yuffie called again. "Cloud, what are-"

He cut her off sharply, eyes focusing on a dark tendril curling around a lock of Leon's hair. "Yuffie, get Aerith. _Now_."

------  
_Is…is it possible?_

**We'll try.**  
------


	7. Chapter Six

**Leonhart-less, Silver-Angel-Wings**, **Aindel S. Druida,** **Aeternus-Spes, Chibified Youkai 101 and Lundill**: Thanks for the reviews guys, would write more but I'm really tired right now...and I have no coffee, sniffle.

Sorry for the slow update, I was down with severe writers block, you can probably tell by reading it where I floundered.

**Chapter Six**

-----

_Blood dripped into his right eye; he closed it instinctively. Undeterred, the blood ran over his nose and left cheek and slid over white lips, tightly closed in an attempt not to scream. One tiny hand reached up to cover the long gash running diagonally across his face while he trained his open eye on the knife held loosely in Xehanort's hand, watching the thin line of blood slid down to gather at the tip of the blade and drip onto the floor in mesmerising silence._

"_You can't run from me Squall; that mark will be with you always, reminding you of that."_

-----

_One second_.

If she had even _stumbled_ while hurrying after Yuffie, Leon…

He'd be gone.

Funny, how so little time could make so great a difference.

When she'd arrived at the small cottage where Leon had collapsed, she was greeted with a scene from one of her nightmares. Coils of darkness had been slowly ensnaring the terrifyingly still brunet, mostly around his limbs and throat. Cloud, despite his stoic façade, had been silently panicking when she arrived, she could see the fear as it ignited in his eyes and could taste the dread rolling off of him as he knelt beside the brunet, helpless hands cradling Leon as he steadily became paler.

Aerith shuddered at her thoughts, disliking the morbidity of it as she wrapped her robe around herself more tightly, feet shifting within the confines of her slippers. She looked down at Leon as he slept restlessly and sighed. She wasn't even sure what had happened; one moment he'd been so close to fading into darkness, and she was casting spell after spell with little effect, Yuffie and Cloud in the background looking on worriedly, then there was light and when it cleared, he was fine –unconscious but safe. She just hoped she could figure out what did it; Leon was more susceptible than ever to the darkness now.

Just like Xehanort had intended.

Funny, how so much time could do so much damage.

-----

_Did the darkness take me? Have I faded away?...no, I can feel the others, right beside me. Am I asleep then?_

-----

Peeking around the doorway Yuffie watched curiously as Aerith maintained a silent watch at Leon's bedside, the occasional movement of either Leon turning in his sleep or Aerith smoothing the sheets unnecessarily. Her eyes fell on the man, eyeing his pale face with a twinge of worry. The ninja just didn't understand it. He hadn't been himself for awhile now, actually letting her _sneak_ _up_ on him on more than one occasion and now collapsing in a basement with those tendrils of darkness all over him! What was _wrong_ with Leon?

Yuffie didn't feel scared often, or at least she didn't show it. Nor did she often display a serious concern for those around her. Why should she? They were all strong; they were fighters. What was the point of worrying over people who could protect themselves?

But boy, oh boy, was she feeling it now.

And she didn't like it. It was a nasty feeling; it made her feel like she was going to be sick, her stomach churning as her throat and mouth went dry at the realisation of just how close Leon had been to saying 'Sayanora' and either dying or disappearing into darkness. It was scary to think that Leon –_their Leon_- wasn't as invincible as she'd childishly perceived him to be. Next to Sora and the Princesses of Heart, Yuffie had always believed that Leon would be the least likely to be affected by darkness. She'd believed _Aerith_ more susceptible to darkness than him. Something about the man had always seemed…untouchable, like nothing could taint him.

_A silly fancy_. She felt her lips curl into a self-derisive sneer as she turned and slowly walked away. She felt so out of touch with what was going on. Like a child standing in the room while adults discussed a serious matter, something that went over her head. Everyone seemed to know something but her. Even Cloud and Tifa weren't so clueless as her. The woman had been walking around lately with a contemplative look and Cloud had been keeping a watch on Leon. And what had Yuffie done? Her usual thing: fooling around; oblivious to the occurrences around her. Maybe it was time she stopped being such a child. Well, at least until Leon was better.

-----

_Do I really want to give into darkness?_

-----

Lit only by a few well placed candelabras and moonlight streaming in from the windows, the library was empty save for one woman dressed in black clothing, patiently scanning the shelves, a finger trailing over the spines of books as she moved. She had a heavy tome in one hand as she walked over to the desk, letting book fall onto its surface with a loud thud before opening it.

Tifa was growing increasingly fretful. Everything was just a little too coincidental for her tastes. The Ansem report she and Yuffie had found; Cid's reaction to it and Leon's latest collapse.

Much too coincidental. In fact the more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that Leon was the child the report mentioned. Lord knew it certainly fit, especially once Leon's guilt complex was taken into account. She really wished she could be wrong on this; though unfortunately a nagging voice in the back of her head told her that Leon, in all likelihood was that child.

Much like Aerith had been a sister figure to Leon all his life, Tifa had been the same for Cloud and like Aerith, she'd become very adept at reading her best friend. Cloud, whether he knew or not, was most definitely attracted to Leon and definitely falling for him –if he hadn't already done so. The arguments with Aerith over Leon she'd overheard had confirmed her suspicions in that direction. The sister in her felt torn at the development; Cloud deserved to be happy. But his past with the darkness and Leon's current problem with it meant one of them would probably get hurt. After everything Sephiroth had put him through, Cloud didn't handle darkness so well, not when it was close to him. He needed light, needed someone with light. Leon needed the same thing; he needed light and closure and freedom. Things Cloud could only partially offer.

-----

_And if I don't: do I have the strength to fight anymore? I feel so tired…_

-----

Someone once told him you can't change the past. God, did Cid wish he'd taken a bazooka to that fucker.

Truth was a vicious bitch.

He sighed and looked down at the report in his hands, the plain brown folder deceptively innocent looking, hiding the maliciously inked words within.

Correction: Cid wished he'd taken a bazooka to Xehanort.

The image that thought concocted brought a satisfied smile to his face for a fleeting moment, briefly lighting his expression before his eyes fell back on the folder and darkened again. As soon as Leon was conscious they were going to have to talk about it. Provided he could get to that little shit before he took off again.

In so many ways Xehanort had lied; lies which were both, ironically, relieving and painful. Xehanort had been one hell of a confident bastard; so sure that he and his experiments would've still been around today, able to do what he told Leon he had intended to do.

Fuck, he was getting too old for this.

------

_I just want the pain to stop. Is that so bad?_

------

Laundry duty was such a pain, especially when getting the washing in with a guy. Yuffie pulled a face at Cloud as he stubbornly refused to go near a particular line of laundry, preferring to take the towels down from the line. Muttering loudly about feminine superiority she took the assorted underwear down from the line, pausing to show Cloud his own boxers lecherously, dropping it casually into the laundry basket with a snooty look. She felt a little miffed when he merely regarded her silently, folding the towels and placing them in the basket.

"Ahem." She sighed when he ignored her and reached for another towel. Tapping a foot impatiently she loudly cleared her throat again.

Cloud sighed tiredly as he turned back to look, raising an eyebrow at her

"Oh don't give me that look." She waggled her finger at him. "I just wanted to ask you some things."

"No."

"You didn't even hear the questions! And it was totally not something you could answer with a yes or no!"

Cloud sighed as he folded another towel, eyeing her with a dry look. She smiled at him, apparently taking his silence as consent.

"One: Do you know what's going on with Leon? Two: You and Leon; what's going on there eh?"

Cloud stared at her.

Yuffie sighed, her little well of patience abruptly dried up. Why, _why_ couldn't Radiant Garden host talkative, open men like _Sora_? Didn't anyone know how seriously _maddening_ it was trying to pry an answer out of these broody asses? Sighing again she decided to employ an old tactic that had never failed yet: Whining.

"Cloooouuuddd! Answer the queessttiiiiooon!"

His eye twitched. Upon seeing the small reaction, Yuffie bit back a triumphant cackle. The Whining tactic never failed.

"I don't know what's wrong with Leon, Yuffie. Aerith mentioned that it had something to do with his past." He shot her a look. "You'd know better than I."

"Huh." She raised her eyes to stare at the sky as her mind drifted back to her first meeting with Leon. She'd only been about four so she barely remembered the details. But she remembered being intimidated by the silent brunet yet at the same time, wanting to hug away the sadness in his eyes. He'd still been Squall back then…

"Oh." She whispered, her thoughts slamming to a close. "It's something to do with Squall."

"Hn." Cloud's grunt pulled her back from her thoughts.

She turned to him with a sad smile. "I don't really know either, Leon's always been so…sad." She deflated visibly, looking over the lawn to where a small forest framed the edge of the garden. Abruptly she turned back around with a glower. "Hey! What about my second question?"

Cloud's face blanked. Honestly, he'd never understand the ninja; serious and thoughtful one second and then you blink and wham! She's back to her usual persona. Goddamn…what was the second question again? His confusion must've shown because the girl repeated the question with an impatient air.

"…nothing."

That finger was now waggling in his face, mischievous eyes glaring playfully at him. "Don't you give me that, Cloud. I, the great ninja Yuffie, can spot a liiiieeee!" she jumped away from him, planting her hands on her hips as she stared at him. "And you, Cloudy-boy, are lying. Spill! What's going on?"

"Honestly?" he asked watching her wearily.

"Well the truth is much better than a lie; lies aren't good, ya know." She grinned at him as she dropped to the ground, crossing her ankles and grasping them as she tipped her head back to look up at him. "Well? Tell Yuffie the goss!"

"There is no 'goss'." He muttered running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what's going on lately."

"Ooooh!" Yuffie indulged herself in a small squeal as she jumped back up to her feet before nodding sagely at him, patting his arm in a sisterly fashion. "Don't worry Cloud, I, the great yaoi lover Yuffie, can see _exactly_ what's happening."

When she smiled sweetly at him, Cloud started to sweat bullets as his eyes darted to the door, wondering why no one had come to help yet. She giggled softly as her expression turned from a dangerous saccharine to fondness.

"You really can't see it can you?"

Dubiously he shook his head, wondering if maybe he should employ an old tactic and run like hell. A little cowardly but live to fight another day was a _damn_ good motto…

"Cloudy, Cloudy." She shook her head despairingly and resumed patting his arm. "Just think a little about what you want and you'll know what I mean." She fell silent for a long moment. Cloud had started to relax a little when she spoke up again, turning back to the clothesline. "Okay, our emotional moment is _over_! Let's get the stupid laundry in so I can steal that report back from Cid."

Cloud's eyes narrowed, Yuffie never stole anything less than valuable and the word report threw his mind back to the last batch of reports he'd seen: Ansem's; he grabbed her shoulder, fingers digging in just enough to boarder on painful as the ninja halted. "What report?"

Yuffie took one look at his dark expression and gulped.

"Oh _shit_."

----

_Why can't the pain just stop?_

-----

To say that Cloud was not very happy as he stormed through the castle towards Aerith's room would be like saying Sephiroth was only a _little_ dark; semi-dark; the _diet-cola _ofdark if you please.

Cloud, for lack of a stronger word, was _furious_.

Yuffie didn't have much to say about the report; it was one of the old Ansem reports written by the impostor and it involved rather big words detailing a complicated but cruel psychological experiment involving a child, the heart, light and darkness, and long term effects.

No, no, Cloud wasn't very happy. Even less so with the conclusions he was drawing.

_Leon_.

Cloud halted halfway up the staircase, one foot hovering in the air above a step for a long moment before slowly thumping down onto the carpeted stone as a hand came up to grip the banister. His thoughts jumped from his infuriated need for answers to the broken brunet and the advice Yuffie offered.

_Think a little about what you want_

He sighed as he continued his journey up to the bedrooms, nodding to Aerith as he passed the thoughtful woman. As he neared the door to Leon's room, his footsteps grew unconsciously slower, eyes persistently straying to the half open door as he slowly drew to a stop in front of it; turning his body to fully face the doorway as he caught sight of Leon's profile as he slept, breath hitching.

Oh…

_You'll know what I mean_

Cloud closed his eyes, exhaling deeply before quietly slipping into the room.

Clarity.

-----

_I don't' want to be Leon anymore, I don't want…to be what I've become…_

-----

"It's not mine to tell Cloud, I've told you that." Aerith sighed tiredly, rubbing her eyes before staring at the adamant blond in front of her.

"…I'm going to keep asking."

"Cloud please…"

"He needs help, Aerith." Cloud ran a hand through his hair as he fixed a steely look on the distraught healer. "No one should have to go through this. I'll ask again: What happened?"

Aerith bit back frustrated tears as she stood up with her fists clenched at her sides. "And I'll tell you again: it's not mine to tell Cloud, if Leon wants you to know, he'll tell you."

Cloud stared at her silently for a moment before speaking. "Do you really think he would? This is Leon we're discussing."

"Squall would-"

"_Leon_, Aerith, not Squall."

"Leon is _Squall_! The only difference is the darkness surfacing in him now." She snapped, finally feeling her patience shatter. "For god's sake Cloud, what Squall went through was more than malicious cruelty on every level."

"Which is why he needs help." Cloud replied calmly. "What happened?"

Cloud was forced to duck out of range when Aerith gave a scream and threw a vase at his head before fleeing the room. Absently he wondered if _maybe_ he could've handled that better.

As the door slammed behind Aerith, he realised that she'd told him something; whatever happened had put darkness in Leon.

A second later he slapped his forehead. Like he didn't already know that…

------

_I want to be Squall…  
_  
-----

TBC

Yaaaaaay! I feel like dancing! The agony is over…for this chapter at least. Please R&R.

I'm going to make a chocolate cake to binge on I'm so happy, Ja!


	8. Chapter Seven

I floundered so badly throughout this chapter, it just isn't funny. Very, very sorry it's so ridiculously short. I'll try harder next time T-T.

_Kanashii hodo hikaridashita  
Shiroi yami kirisaku  
Tsubasa ni nare  
….  
Kieyuku Fake Light  
Umareyuku True Light  
Kono te ni..._  
Theme song, D.N. Angel

**Chapter Seven**

Yuffie didn't know whether to cartwheel for joy or run screaming from the room in fear.

Leon was awake…

Leon was smiling in a manner reminiscent of a certain pink wearing young lady standing next to her with teary green eyes. Clearly he was more injured than previously thought, Yuffie was seriously worried that he might have taken permanent damage to the brain.

But…perhaps she should laugh; Cid was looking pretty silly with mouth hanging open after all.

Cautiously, Tifa chanced a question, unable to stop the amused grin creeping over her face even as her tone carried a worried note. "Ah Leon? You didn't hit your head did you?"

He shook his head carefully, eyeing her curiously for a moment before he gave an eye-roll and turned to face the other two girls, raising a cool eyebrow at the stunned faces that greeted him. "What?"

Yuffie gave a shriek and glomped him. "He's back! He's back! Oh thank God! His brains weren't scrambled!"

Aerith hid a giggle behind her hand as she caught the startled look on the man's face. Sometimes she had to wonder about Leon; surely he knew what Yuffie's thought process could produce by now and surely he shouldn't he shouldn't be so surprised by anything she does come out with. She smiled passively as she seated herself on the bed beside Leon, smoothing her skirt before resting her hands on her lap. "How are you feeling Leon?"

He stared at her for a long quiet moment, his eyes focusing on the worried spark darkening the emerald of her eyes before he leant forward, his arms rising to wrap around her back as he hid his face in her hair.

"Oh good god!" Yuffie whispered fearfully, suddenly clutching at Cid's shirt sleeve. "He _did_ scramble his brains!"

Cid snorted disdainfully, clipping her around the head before ushering the small group out into the hallway.

"Leon?" Aerith called quietly, her hands fluttered to rest uncertainly on his shoulders, rubbing soothingly as he nestled closer.

There was a hesitant pause before the soft tentative phrase whispered past her ear. "_I'm sorry_."

Aerith sighed nostalgically at the tone of voice, memories of little Squall and his near eternal use of that tone soaking her with a soft warmth; she drew him closer as he fell silent again. Her own head bent to rest on his shoulder as she respectfully ignored the trembles shaking both of their frames.

"_Me too_."

-------

"I can't hear anything." Yuffie hissed in aggravation.

"S'why I brought you out here idiot." Cid muttered, crossing his arms as he watched the girl press herself tightly against the door, ears straining to hear anything.

"Leon is okay though…right?" Tifa looked up uncertainly, briefly drawing away from the whispered conversation she was having with Cloud. At Cid's curt nod she fell back into her conversation, leaving the older man to deal with the nosey ninja.

Before he could stand up and drag her away, she jumped back, scrambling for a seat and quickly arranging herself into a bored position. The door clicked open softly before Aerith slipped out, pressing a finger against her lips as she stared at them.

"He's sleeping." She murmured, pulling the door shut behind her and leaning back against it.

"What happened?" Yuffie instantly demanded.

Aerith smiled cryptically as she moved down the hallway. "We straightened a few crooked nails."

"Huh? Straightened a few…Hey!" Yuffie shouted darting after the woman. "What does carpentry have to do with Leon? Aerith? Aerith!"

Tifa watched them with amusement before turning to the two men. "I don't know about you but if Leon slept through _that_, I'll be surprised."

"I wouldn't." Cid muttered standing up with a wince as his joints cracked loudly. "The boy's had years experience sleeping through that girl's racket. Now get up you two. We've got a fucking wall to fix."

"Aw Cid," Tifa wheedled with a playful glance at Cloud. "_Cloud_ can take a break can't he? He did most of the clearing."

"Fine." He grunted as he started down the hallway. "But you're not getting a break missy; now get your arse down to the Bailey."

Cloud folded his arms and eyed Tifa stoically as she jogged after the elder blonde. Subtle…he shook his head in exasperation. Tifa was as subtle as a chair to the head.

Still…he paused in his movement of standing up, eyes flickering to the closed bedroom door. Well…

Maybe a little visit couldn't hurt.

-----

Leon was staring up at the ceiling, forming patterns and shapes from the cracks in the plaster. After Yuffie's yell had jolted him out of his doze he hadn't been able to sleep again and he didn't particularly feel like getting up either. Besides, if he did get up and Aerith found out, she'd probably kill him.

_Huh, that formation of cracks looks a bit like Goofy…with the buster sword above his head…and Stitch on top of the sword_…_chewing straw?_

Yea, he was so bored and it had only been five minutes. Maybe he should've asked for a radio or something…

_Oh, that group of cracks looks like a puppy_…

When the door clicked open, Leon's eyes zeroed in on the noise instantly, widening a small fraction when Cloud peeked in looking a little uncertain. The blonde caught his gaze, heart jumping inside his chest. He stepped into the room, stopping by the bed to stand over the stunned man, staring down at him with a frown.

"You're supposed to be resting."

"Yuffie." Leon offered as an explanation. When Cloud raised an eyebrow he squirmed sheepishly, turning his head to look out the window. "I couldn't get back to sleep."

Cloud gave an understanding murmur as he sat himself on the edge of the bed. He stared quietly down at the brunet for a moment before reaching over and brushing the bangs away from his face. "You should sleep." He said quietly when Leon transferred his surprised gaze from the window to the blonde. He offered a small smile that Leon found to be soothing as he rubbed one of Leon's shoulders; the soft pressure slowly lulling the brunet to sleep.

------

Aerith sighed as she sank down onto one of the old wooden chairs surrounding the kitchen table. Wearily she raised her eyes to look up at Tifa and a surprisingly sombre Yuffie. "Aright." She conceded tearfully. "It's complicated but I'll tell you as best I can. Can this _please_ be the end of it until Cid has a chance to speak with Leon?"

The pair nodded as they quickly slid into the chairs sitting opposite Aerith, eyeing her apprehensively as they clasped their hands on the table top.

"Okay." Aerith said softly, turning her head a fraction to give Tifa most of her attention. "As Yuffie already knows, Leon's parents died when he was six; when that happened he was taken to the castle by a relation to live there." She paused, inhaling and exhaling sharply.

Outside of the room, at the door leading to the back of the castle; Leon had just returned from a short walk and on hearing his name, paused in his movement of opening the door, his hand trembling violently on the bronzed handle. At the door leading down the castle corridor, Cloud stood silently just to the side of the door, out of the girls' sight, blue eyes widening in disbelief.

"Something happened there didn't it?" Tifa pressed gently.

"Well, he came out all emo but according to Aerith and Cid he was a _sweet_ little kiddie in his pre-castle days so…chyea, duh, something bad happened." Yuffie muttered.

"Yuffie." Aerith admonished quietly. "Now that report you found, detailing an experiment…the child was…that child was…" her head fell down to rest on her arms

"It was Leon, wasn't it?" Tifa asked grimly. Aerith's head shot up, eyes as wide as dinner plates as her mouth hung open in shock.

"_You knew_?" she whispered timidly.

Yuffie paled, jumping up from her seat and clapping a hand over her mouth. Her eyes turned glazy as she stared disbelievingly at the shaky brunet.

"Oh god…" Pressing her hand tighter, Yuffie darted over to the sink, retching violently.

"The experiment." Tifa said, interrupting Aerith's action of hurrying to Yuffie's side. "It said that Xehanort was intending to instil _his_ darkness in a child's heart. It mentioned the old creation story and how a child's heart was where the light existed after darkness overwhelmed the original world. Xehanort seems to have thought that-"

"A child's heart with his darkness would allow him the ability to open the world doors and gain ultimate knowledge." Aerith recited dully. She gave a low snort as she sat herself back down. "Even in the early days of his experiments, Xehanort wasn't entirely sane…no one knows where he got that notion. A child's heart does not open the door. Only the keyblade and a great need for the road to be open can. A child's heart with darkness would most assuredly not open the door. However, at the time when Xehanort came up with that hypothesis he was still in the early days of his experiments; at that point in time, anything was possible, the heart's capabilities limitless."

"So what happened?" Yuffie gasped, wiping her mouth.

Aerith raised haunted green eyes, staring up at the ceiling. "Xehanort attempted to remove Leon's heart."

Three voices answered her angrily. "_WHAT_?"

Aerith shot away from the table in fright, a hand clutching her chest tightly. "Cloud!"

The blonde stood in the doorway clutching the frame so tightly that it creaked under the strain. Yuffie turned pale once more, moving to cling to Aerith as she caught sight of the murderous light in Cloud's eyes.

Tifa, however, approached the blonde, eying him carefully as she came to a stop just outside of his reach. "Cloud…"

"That's what happened to Leon?" He demanded, eyes focused on Aerith.

"Yes, but Cloud-" she broke off with a mall jump of fright as the kitchen door gave a loud bang. As they turned to face the noise, the door swung on its hinges, revealing a brief glimpse of the brunet running away from the castle before slamming shut again.

"Oh gods…" Aerith moaned burying her face in her hands. "Leon."

"Leon!" There was a yellow and black blur as Cloud took off out the door after the brunet.

"Cloud, wait!" Aerith shouted, half hanging out the doorway. She sighed despairingly as the courtyard echoed with her voice before falling silent again.

"Shouldn't we go after Leon too?"

"Not yet." Aerith muttered grimly. "You haven't heard all of it yet."

"There's more?" Yuffie wailed.

"Unfortunately. Xehanort learned quickly how wrong his initial hypothesis was. If you had read to the end of that report you'd have known."

"Known what?"

------

Leon suddenly found himself in the old stables, panting heavily as he clutched at his chest and fought back stinging tears. He turned away from the stable doors, walking to the middle of the building before stopping and staring up at the heavy beams running along the roof.

They knew.

The thought didn't instil the same terror it used to. He suddenly felt empty, unable to feel _anything_.

------

"_Xehanort lied."_


	9. Chapter Eight

_You're sick of feeling numb  
__You're not the only one  
__I'll take you by the hand  
__And I'll show you a world  
__That you can understand  
__This life is filled with hurt  
__When happiness doesn't work  
__Trust me and take my hand  
__When the lights go out  
__You'll understand  
_-Pain, Three Days Grace

**Chapter Eight**

Standing in the kitchen watching as Aerith hid her face behind her hands as her voice died out having finished her explanation, Yuffie felt numb. A sensation she hadn't felt since she'd been old enough to understand the explanation of why she and Leon and Aerith lived with Cid on a world not their own. Learning the truth about her home world had been the last time she'd ever felt numb. She didn't like the sensation. She _needed_ to feel; she'd much rather feel anger, the type that makes you throw things than that empty numbness freezing her now.

A hand squeezed her shoulder. She turned her head to see Cid looking down at her with an understanding look. "Alright kid?"

_Kid_.

That was Leon and Sora's nickname, the one Cid tossed at the indifferent man and the annoyed teenager.

_Kid_.

Yuffie nodded and closed her eyes. The appellation suited. Sora had once told her of a boy from other world not too far from Radiant Garden that he'd met on his first journey. A boy who could fly and never grew old. Yuffie wanted to be like that. She wanted to stay a kid, to stay free of the responsibilities, the knowledge that came with adulthood.

If she could stay a kid only in a nickname, that would do though. Besides, Leon would have a heart attack if she ever acted older than a ten year old.

---

Leon sighed tiredly as he hugged his legs tighter to his chest, staring blankly out the small window of the hay loft. In the distance the developing western suburb was visible in its chaotic construction. He sighed again; countless tasks for the restoration going through his mind, instantly cataloguing themselves in terms of importance. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that the reconstruction was significantly behind schedule and that it would more productive to go do some work instead of hiding, but he couldn't bring himself to leave his drafty little sanctuary. He supposed he'd been up there for a few hours; the sun was starting to set and everything was growing quiet, tranquil.

He bit back another sigh as he heard footsteps below him again. It seemed Cloud was still looking for him; he came in the stables every so often as he searched the area. He frowned his annoyance to the floor, seeing a head of yellow through a hole by his foot. Why wouldn't the blonde give up already? He didn't want company and he sure as hell didn't want to face…anyone. They _knew_, Aerith had _told_ them. How could he face them, knowing that they knew and no doubt would have pitying or disgusted looks whenever they looked at him? How could he face Yuffie, knowing that he started what took away her home, robbing her of a normal childhood? Or Tifa and Cloud, with all the grief darkness had brought them? Especially Cloud…Leon frowned sadly, shutting his eyes and hugging his legs tighter.

What he really wanted was to go back to the days before his parents died, but since that was an unattainable goal so he decided to settle for just being left alone. He let his sigh go unchecked as the footsteps below faded away again. He unfolded his legs and swung down into a lying position, pillowing his head on his arm as he thought. He really didn't want to face anyone, least of all Cloud. Somehow the idea of the blonde turning away in disgust hurt more than the thought of others doing the same.

Despite the long hours he mulled over it; he still wasn't sure _why_. Ever since that episode he'd experienced at the Bailey in front of Cloud, the blonde had been there; drifting in his thoughts, slowly creeping in…here. Leon thought slightly awed, shyly pressing a hand over his heart. Cloud had seen him at his weakest, offered strength, _his_ strength. Those bright blue eyes, soft and warm, flashed through his mind again. This time, instead of feeling uncomfortable and banishing the glow it brought, Leon held onto it, turning it over and inspecting it the way a child would a new toy.

He…liked it.

He liked…Cloud.

-----

_Yuffie, Tifa._ _Leon is special; somehow, despite all that has happened; he has no darkness in his heart. I know, there is meant to be darkness in every heart. That's what we grew up knowing. Well Leon is one of the exceptions to that rule. The light in his heart is too strong for the darkness. But so much darkness has touched him throughout his life, unable to touch his heart it's filtered through his body; as a result his body is under a lot of strain._

-----

The jig-saw was nearly finished.

Cloud stood at the top of the rickety old stairs with one hand still on the railing as looked down over at the sleeping brunet. With his head pillowed on one arm, the other tucked up along his chest, the fingers curling lightly into his palm just under his chin and a blissfully peaceful expression on his face as he slept; Leon looked completely innocent, as though he'd never suffered a second of upset in his entire life.

It was a pity that the opposite was the truth.

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts as he walked carefully across the damaged floor, not trusting it to not collapse under him. He slowed to a cautious stop at Leon's side, crouching down next to his head as he silently debated on whether it was worth waking the brunet. After a few moments of mental ping-pong he settled on letting the other sleep and made him comfortable for the wait, shifting to sit cross-legged, burrowing a little into the jacket Aerith and Tifa had shoved him into when he stopped briefly at the castle an hour or so ago.

The thing about waiting is it often leads to thinking. Cloud knew he had done quite a lot of that lately. Strangely he found it productive; resolutions and revelations knitted together tidily within his mind, creating blankets of knowledge that wrapped around his entire being. It brought forth a nostalgic feeling. It seemed so long ago that he was hunting down Sephiroth and subsequently avoiding Tifa and running into Sora. It seemed like only yesterday he'd return from fighting the one-winged wonder to be eventually coaxed into helping the restoration committee. Nor was it that long ago that he believed that Leon had been lucky to have a normal-ish life surrounded by his friends. It had over a month since he'd learnt otherwise. It felt like he was still standing in the wreckage of one of the Bailey's walls, still staring after Leon's fleeing figure after that episode he'd unwittingly set off. At the same time he felt like he was back to that brief week he spent nursing Leon after his brush with death at the bailey, constantly puzzling over Aerith's question. It was odd that. Something he'd spent so much time trying to figure out could now be so easily and readily answered.

It was well after midnight before Leon started to stir, small twitches of his limbs and his head burying deeper into his arm with a soft tired sound. Cloud lifted an eyebrow in mild amusement as he watched Leon reluctantly wake up, trying to hang onto sleep longer. He gave a small smirk, eyes softening as the brunet finally sat, rubbing at his eyes with his fists like a child and yawning quietly. He watched quietly as Leon looked out the window before a slither of grey peeked through the brown bangs towards him and the brunet stiffened.

"Uh, hey." Cloud muttered feebly as he got to his feet; Leon mimicking his movement cagily. "You took off so fast, um, we were all worried."

"Oh, um…" Leon's hands wrung together as he dropped his gaze to the floor. "I…" he trailed off uncertainly.

Understanding, Cloud leant forward as Leon opened and closed his mouth and captured his hands, stilling their jittery movements. "You didn't think you could face us, did you?"

Leon bit his lip and nodded weakly, shivering lightly as Cloud ran a gentle thumb over his hand.

"I should be annoyed really." Cloud said quietly. "With all that's in my past, none of you turned from me, especially you Leon, so why would I turn from you?"

"It's my fault, all of it." He replied miserably. "If it wasn't-"

"If it wasn't you, Xehanort would have found another to experiment. Possibly Aerith; she's the only one I know with your strength of heart."

"…" The brunet wrenched his hands free and walked over to the window.

"Leon?"

He stood slightly hunched over, hands clutched together over his chest as he choked out a soft protest. "I'm not strong."

Floorboards creaked as Cloud came to stand beside him, reaching up with one hand to squeeze Leon's shoulder. "Yes you are. You were the one who first started to repair this world, you defend it; Radiant Garden would be lost without you. Your strength keeps everyone moving forward."

"I'm not!" He snapped, finally turning to look at Cloud, glaring. "How can I be strong when I'm fucking terrified?"

------

_What do I mean by strain? Yuffie, the body isn't designed to harbour darkness, that's why darkness is supposed to be in every __heart__. The body is frail but the heart is strong. It can survive long exposure to the darkness. Where did I learn this? Xehanort's report. Initially, he wanted to instil his darkness in a pure heart, believing that a pure heart could open the door and that his darkness within such a heart would enable him some control. After this initial hypothesis collapsed, he used Leon for a series of new experiments. _

_The first is one we're all familiar with. It produced the first Heartless. Xehanort stopped the experiment on Leon before anything could happen to him, telling Leon that the first Heartless was from him. Though in actual fact, that was another of his lies; Leon has never been a Heartless but, you know Leon and his guilt complex... As you well know, Xehanort continued that experiment on adults, fascinated by those things, even after Ansem ordered the destruction of the experiments and its records._

------

The clock on the mantle chimed in the hour as 2am, Aerith raised her head wearily to stare at the door as Tifa walked in with an armload of blankets. Quietly she stood up and helped in spreading the blankets over the sleeping Yuffie before tucking one around Cid's legs as he sat by the fire, suddenly looking older than his age.

"Ta Aeri." He muttered tossing his half finished cigarette into the fire. "I shoulda told him earlier."

"You did your best, Leon's hard to track down on a normal day, never mind when he's trying to hide from us."

"Heh, always was a smart ass, remember when we first arrived in Traverse Town? Took him just one hour to find the ladder to the top of the Gizmo shop, gave me one hell of a fright when I walked into the Second District and saw him on the rooftops. He also found that cave in the waterway."

"Until he showed you it, he used to hide there all the time." Aerith laughed quietly.

Tifa quirked an eyebrow. "Okay, I now have the image of a teenaged emo Leon playing hooky."

"Oh, he did that alright. Used to drive Merlin up the wall." Cid chuckled as Tifa's face blanked.

"Ooookay."

---

Talking, according to Aerith, helps. Cathartic, she calls it. Cloud has a different opinion. The significance of talking depends on the person. With Yuffie, for example, talking isn't important because she does so much of it and with little thought. But for quieter individuals such as himself and Leon, talking took on a different significance. They weren't men of words normally. So when Leon started to talk, stumbling over words of fear, of guilt and remorse, Cloud did what he usually did; he stayed silent but offered acknowledgement of the brunet. Outwardly he was still, a calm statue with a listening ear while inside his mind bustled with thought and emotion. Awe that a man who professed to be so utterly _terrified_ of the Heartless and darkness could fight so valiantly against them. He felt wonder that someone with so strong and light a heart to have survived what he did could only see a weak and tainted heart within himself and believe the light he was privileged to came from those around him. He listens as Leon speaks of fear, fear that his friends' light will abandon him or worse, one day fail; he listens to the resignation of inevitably fading into darkness and only then does he make a sound –a small protesting noise he quickly silences as Leon continues to speak, the words slowing from their chaotic speed to a more calmer pace. As Leon's voice died on the last admission of guilt-ridden angst Cloud could see something he hadn't seen before.

He could see Squall. That shy little boy Aerith spoke so warmly of. Squall was leaking through Leon's eyes, through his voice; left raw and open, unsure of what to do, unable to fight as Leon was used to doing; Squall was a little boy sitting alone and shivering. In Squall, Cloud could see what Leon wanted –needed. Someone to just reach out and make it better.

Exhausted, Leon sat down, leant against the wall, shivering in cold as he looked anywhere but at his companion. Cloud shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the brunet before sitting beside him, bringing his knees up and throwing an arm over them as he starts to talk. Eyes firmly fixed on the moon as it starts its descent from the sky; Cloud speaks of his time in the Underworld, of his own dark past, of Sephiroth and Tifa and how Sora taught him hope. Talking makes him feel lighter. He talks until his throat starts to ache and his voice grows hoarse; and then he stops. Finally he turns back to look at the other. Leon is sitting there with a quiet thoughtful look, an almost childish awe simmering in his eyes as he meets Cloud's gaze.

Cloud nods once and stands up; dusting off his pants before offering a hand. "Even if you do rely on the light of others, our friends have so much of it, darkness can never hope to get near you."

Those intense blue eyes were exuding such confidence and stability, Leon could feel hope tip-toeing through him. He sat there quietly staring up at the blonde, his hand rising cautiously and hovering before the offered one, hesitating. Cloud gave him a small understanding smile after a long pause. "Tifa once gave me her light to help me with my darkness; if you're want, you can have mine."

-----

_There were countless experiments labelled in that report you found. Most pressing were the ones where darkness was instilled into Leon's _body_. Knowing his heart destroyed any darkness that came near it, Xehanort decided to test a body's reaction to darkness. The report stated that after a certain amount of darkness, Leon's heart appeared to interfere, destroying the excess. Xehanort's hypothesis was that a certain amount of darkness can empower the body but after that limit the body will start to shut down. A body can only handle so much and Xehanort was obsessed with seeing what happened when that limit was breached; Leon's heart was in the way of this. His sense of survival was -is too strong. Xehanort then told Leon that he was going to remove his heart for study. He traumatised Leon with the preparations. However, somewhere during these preparations, for reasons unknown, Xehanort decided to change his experiment. _

-----

It was surreal.

That was the only way he could describe the way he suddenly felt disconnected from everything, including his body. It didn't feel like it was happening to him at all. Rather, he felt like an eavesdropper, witnessing something personal. It felt like a dream; he felt sure that it had to be a dream. His mind was in the midst of a storm; thoughts and feelings flying about like debris in a hurricane.

His hand was still hovering over the offered one, trembling slightly as he stared blankly at the blonde whose small smile never faltered.

If it was anyone else, Leon would have questioned whether they knew the extent of what they were offering. But it wasn't someone else. It was Cloud. And he knew better than most how momentous his offer was.

"…Leon?" Cloud's smile was starting to falter, concern etching into his face as he bent down.

"Why?"

Cloud blinked.

Leon shifted, legs folding under his body as he hauled himself up into a kneeling position. He stared back thoughtfully as Cloud gazed down at him confused.

"Leon?"

There was a long moment of silence. Cloud had opened his mouth to speak again when Leon finally answered, voice soft and laced with disbelief. "Why would you offer…that?"

Cloud's mouth clicked shut, his expression turning pensive as he knelt down again; rocking back onto his heels as he stared up at the ceiling, pondering how to answer. Finally he shrugged and stood up again, that gloved hand reaching out again. "I care, that's why."

Leon knew his face was heating up and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. He swallowed nervously, eyes darting around.

A sigh. "Leon?"

He shook his head firmly, Cloud felt himself wilt a little before the burnet placed his hand firmly in his and pulled himself up. Cloud watched as Leon dusted himself off with one hand, the other still holding onto the blonde's as he looked at the stairway. "I…can't accept that." He muttered, finally meting Cloud's eyes. "I'm, um, grateful for the offer but I can't take it…er, sorry for dumping everything on you."

The blonde shrugged and started to tug him downstairs again. "I don't mind. I would've shut you up if I did."

-----

_When he went to take Leon's heart, he was never actually going to do so. His plan was to knock Leon out, cut his chest up badly and tell Leon that his heart was gone when it wasn't. He wanted to test the mind's strength. So often in his life the mind had triumphed over the heart, so why not conclusively prove the mind was stronger? Would the light of Leon's heart submit to the strength of his mind? How would the mind's firm belief that the heart was gone affect the heart itself? Xehanort intended to find out. His experiment was purely psychological; how would a major trauma affect the light of Leon's heart? How would it affect his entire being? Would it make him more open to the darkness? Xehanort intended to be around for quite a while. He planned to watch Leon grow up with that trauma instilled. To see how it affected him as a grown up. I don't know the details but Ansem discovered what he was up to before he could 'remove' Leon's heart. Ansem summoned Cid and Leon was in his custody and back with us the following day. _

-----

Something felt different…

As Leon let Cloud lead him back to the castle, their hands locked together firmly, he pondered. It was odd. Everything felt the same and yet something felt so different. His brows furrowed in confusion as he lowered his gaze to their hands; his fingers loosely curled around the side of Cloud's hand while the blonde had a tight grip. Absently Leon wondered if perhaps Cloud expected him to bolt again before quietly shrugging it off, content with the sense of security and warmth the small contact allowed him. Physical contact was something Leon didn't have much of; Cid's claps to the back or shoulder, Yuffie's terrifying tackle-hug and Aerith's sisterly hugs after a nightmare were all he had. Memory told him there was more; warm breaths rustling his hair as arms wrapped around him securely, his parents, heartbeats pulsing under his ear, slowly lulling him to sleep. He sighed. When was the last time he remembered that? Traverse Town?

It had been awhile, that was for sure.

But he liked this. The simple and small contact which was keeping him anchored to reality as his thoughts spun dizzily around his mind.

He startled a little when he suddenly bumped into Cloud's back, the blonde had come to a stop just in front of the kitchen door.

"Alright?"

He nodded, feeling Cloud squeeze his hand once then let go. He reached out and grasped Cloud's elbow as he moved to open the door. The blonde paused and looked back enquiringly. Leon tightened his grip unconsciously as he fumbled for words, aware of Cloud turning around fully and watching him patiently, gently prying the hand from his elbow and giving it an encouraging pat before letting it fall down to Leon's side, brushing a belt.

"Leon?"

The brunet worried his lower lip for a moment before nodding to himself and looking up. "I just…wanted to say thanks."

-----

_Leon grew up living and believing a lie. That because the first Heartless was his, he was ultimately responsible for the mess they created, especially here. He didn't believe that his heart had any light within; that what little light he was privileged to came from his friends; he believes that it is our light that protects him when more often than not it's the other way around. He thought that he had to fight every day, prove that he wouldn't submit to darkness, that he wouldn't lose his heart. He may not show it but he grew up terrified. Terrified of the darkness, that we'd leave him to it, that he wasn't strong enough…just __**terrified**_

_**That**__ is what happened and unfortunately, Xehanort may win. Cid and I don't know how to fix what he has broken. _

**Maybe you should leave that to Cloud, Aerith.**

------

Leon's face swam out of focus; a light breathy warmth pressed fleetingly onto his cheek. Small tingles danced across his skin as his breath stopped involuntarily, his eyes widening a fraction as he realised just what was happening. The brunet pulled back with a small smile, nodding once to Cloud before slipping into the kitchen to Aerith's distraught welcome.

Cloud stood just out of view of the open door, listening to the fuss Aerith was making, the low cussed filled relief of Cid as he ordered the man upstairs for a warm shower. He stood there quietly as Yuffie whooped loudly, a groan and a loud thud indicating that she had tackled Leon to the floor in her glee; Tifa's calm voice taking charge as she ushered Leon upstairs, suggesting that Aerith get some warm soup ready. As the noise died down, Cloud raised a hand and pressed his fingers against his cheek, trying to capture the tingling sensation still skimming over the skin there, still feeling the pressure of a dry but soft mouth resting against his skin. He blinked silently, staring at the light spilling over the footpath from the open door and swallowed as warmth heated his face.

Had anyone been there, they would've seen the large goofy grin stretched across his face.

----  
TBC

My brain is dead now.

Sorry for the slow update but I'm in the middle of exams (I have six of the accursed things! T-T) and [censored if they aren't killing me. I almost wish I took up a different degree, preferably one with multi-question exams and not essay based one. It'll be the end of the month before I can get the next update out. This one's only happening because I _needed_ a break from study before I really cracked up. So til the end of the month guys, enjoy!


	10. Chapter Nine

Sorry this took so long, I had major difficulty with this chapter; I've edited and re-edited it so many times (at one point I was tempted to just post it half complete with notes on what I hadn't written and had to edit and/or throw my laptop out the window) and I'm still not happy with it but to be honest, I'm sick of it so I'm posting my current version of it before I go crazy.

_My insides all turned to ash  
__So slow  
__And blew away as I collapsed  
__So cold  
__A black wind took them away from sight  
__And held the darkness over the day  
__That night  
__And the clouds above move closer  
__Looking so dissatisfied  
__But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing.  
_Valentine's Day, Linkin Park

**Chapter Nine**

_Letting go was hard…_

-------------------

Aerith could remember a time when they were very little. There had been some meeting between Cid, her parents and Leon's parents so she had a sleepover at his place. Sometime after Cid left, their parents arrived upstairs to find them huddling together on the one bed, terrified by the notion of monsters in the closet and under their beds. Aerith remembers their parents soothing reassurances and the bitter irony of Mr. Leonhart's parting words.

"_There's no such thing as monsters, nothing in Radiant Garden can hurt you."_

They'd learnt the hard way that he'd been wrong, monsters did exist; they just didn't live in their closets.

At present, she smiled curiously at Leon's quiet expression as she ushered the others out of the kitchen, leaving the man alone with Cid. As the door closed behind them with a dull thud, Cid inhaled sharply and situated his chair in front of Leon's, leaning forward to pat the younger man's hand. "Kiddo, we need to talk."

Leon nodded, looking uncertain. "Okay?"

Cid floundered a few times before finally speaking, voice fast and sharp as he recounted the report, slowing down a little to emphasise the points Leon _needed_ to know and speeding over the ones he already knew. As he spoke, Leon could feel his world crashing down around him; the serenity from moments earlier dissipated as red slowly filled his vision.

Across the hall in the parlour, Aerith stood in front of the armchair Cloud sat in, trying to gauge his reaction with an apprehensive eye as he listened to her and read the report himself. Her hands were clasped in front of her and unlike Cid, her voice was soft and calm, a vague tremor audible towards the end of her explanation. As she finally fell silent again, Cloud's eyes flashed darkly and his mouth parted on an angry exposition, but before he could say anything the kitchen door was smashed open as a chair collided into it and was followed by another.

Aerith could only blink in astonishment, her mouth dropping open as a series of hysterical profanities echoed in Leon's voice. Vaguely, through her shock, she could hear Cid yelling at Leon to 'calm the fuck down'. She startled violently as Leon responded with an unexpectedly crude retort; the harsh words seeming to jolt her back to reality as she darted after Cloud towards the kitchen.

There was really only way one to put it; Leon had lost it, he was absolutely livid. Aerith peeked around Cloud's shoulder as the blond stood in the kitchen doorway slack-jawed as Leon continued to trash the room. She winced as one of the good china plates met its end smashing into the refrigerator –that was going to be expensive to replace. Her eyes were wide and sympathetic as Leon ranted at Cid –the elder had taken refuge on the other side of the kitchen's back door and Aerith couldn't fault him since she was hiding behind Cloud.

"-_couldn't tell me earlier!"_

She winced again as Cloud grabbed her arm and jerked her to the side as a chair flew past their heads. She was starting to feel a little fearful; Leon had never lost control before, she and Yuffie were the emotional factions of their small group and even Tifa had raged on a couple of occasions. But Leon never had; he'd deal with things by pounding the heck out of the heartless or whatever poor sap was willing to train with him. Worse yet, she fretted silently, the strain on his body couldn't be doing him any good; his limits were already pushed thanks to the darkness festering in his body, she could see it now, faint tendrils swirling around him as he raged. He really needed to take it easier. She gripped Cloud's forearm and stood up on tip-toe, mouth opening with the intention of asking him to subdue their friend.

"-_let me _believe-"

She snapped her jaw shut and bit her lip with a guilty expression; Leon hadn't ever had a situation quite like this before. Losing your world was one thing but losing your reality –however messed up- was a completely different story. Leon had had the proverbial rug yanked out from under him.

And then, just as suddenly as the rage had come to him, it seemed to leave Leon. His body went slack; the kettle gripped in one hand fell to the floor with a loud clang as his knees gave out. Everyone watched silently as the once-proud man knelt hunched over gasping, Cid slowly opened the back door and walked inside, his expression unreadable. Cloud finally took the initiative and moved to kneel by the brunet, resting a hand on his shoulder as Leon's face slowly adopted a blank expression.

"Oh _hell_ no."

The three men blinked, looking curiously from one another before realising that the cuss had originated from Aerith. The pretty brunet was standing in the doorway still, a small blush on her face as they gawked at her. Ignoring the overly incredulous look Cid was throwing at her, she knelt down beside Leon as his face returned to its blank look again, a scowl marring her expression.

"Oh no you don't." She said severely. "Don't you dare withdraw into yourself, Squall Leonhart." Behind her Cloud acquainted his face with his palm; tactfully she ignored it, keeping her attention focused on Leon as he frowned at her. "What is it that Donald told Sora when they met? 'No frowning, no sad faces!'" Cid joined Cloud in face palming; again she ignored it as she smiled softly at the other brunet. "Leon, you're never going to recover if you don't let us in. We want to help, so please, let us."

They waited tensely for Leon to respond; he sat there staring at them all blankly for a long moment. Finally he offered a weak smile as he leant into the hug Aerith offered, the action eliciting sighs of relief from the trio.

"…is it safe to come in now?" Yuffie's head peeked around the doorframe. When Aerith nodded, she squealed and darted forward, instantly availing herself to Leon's lap and latching her arms around his neck. "Damn! You're scary when you actually get _mad_!"

"…sorry."

Yuffie waved a hand dismissing it. "Naw, just…don't throw the expensive, breakable stuff next time?" She trailed off thoughtfully, eyes lingering on the shattered remains of the good china. "I know! Throw a plushie! That's harmless!"

"……"

"What? We could make it look like…like Maleficent! Or something…maybe even stick pins in it?"

_Only Yuffie._

Leon chuckled quietly, resting his cheek on the top of Yuffie's head as the girl started to defend her thought process to Cid –but not before squealing and hugging him tighter. Right now, as ironic as it was, Yuffie's unpredictability was pretty much the only constant he had. That, and her over the top style of affection…which actually felt pretty good at the moment. He was only half-listening as the friendly bickering broke out around him, content to soak in the light and warmth of his friends. He was vividly conscious of Cid's hand settling firmly on one of his shoulders, Yuffie's weight on his lap, Aerith's head resting gently on his other shoulder and Cloud linking their arms together as they sat side by side.

For once he didn't think about the light of his friends' hearts, the silent plea that he instinctively made each time they were close that their light would continue to protect him –that plea was rather pointless now. His heart was safe but…he sighed, lifting troubled grey eyes to met Aerith's worried gaze. His body…

He averted his gaze, staring down at a tiny wisp of darkness skimming around the small slip of skin just visible between two of his arm belts.

His body was in a lot of trouble.

-

Aerith had all but dragged Leon up to his bedroom, insisting in her gentle yet firm way that he go to bed –and stay there. Yuffie had immediately backed her up, bluntly telling Leon just what she'd do to him if he dared to leave his bed for anything but a visit to the bathroom or kitchen. He'd made a tired protest -the desired look of firm determination ruined by a loud yawn- that the committee's work was too backlogged; Cid waved it off, informing him of a meeting he and Tifa had arranged with the workers to get things back on schedule. Leon had sighed resignedly, submitting to Aerith and Yuffie's care as they tucked him in; Aerith softly telling him she'd be in the library doing research on his condition and Yuffie cheerfully announcing that she was taking his job as 'The Great Heartless Killer'.

Everyone gave her weird looks for that one.

Exchanging a quiet look with Cloud, Aerith smiled and stood, quietly urging the other two to leave as well.

Cloud smiled faintly at the image Leon made with his face and fingers just peeking over the blankets. He hesitated for a moment, drawing a questioning look from the brunet before he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to Leon's forehead, brushing the long bangs away from his face. He shook his head as Leon's brows furrowed together in confusion and patted his hand gently as he stood up. "We'll talk later. Get some rest." He waited patiently until Leon's breathing evened out before exiting, the door clicking closed behind him.

Halfway down the corridor, he heard Yuffie's tell-tale giggle.

"'We'll talk later; get some rest.'" The ninja sighed exasperatedly. "Jeez Cloudy, you're sooooo romantic. I'm _swooning_ here." She fanned her face mockingly, a wide grin stretching her mouth in a way Cloud was sure had to be painful. "How did Leon keep from _dragging_ you into bed with him? Those sweet things you say!"

Face, met palm again.

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Oh don't give me that! C'mon, you like him, he likes you. Why not just tell him?"

Cloud sighed as he levelled a look at her. "It's not that simple."

Yuffie held her hands up in front of her, performing an impromptu puppet show, much to Cloud's horrified shock. "'Oh Leon, I love you.'" She crooned melodramatically. "Oooh Cloud, I love you too. Muah.'" A quick kissing action and she shrugged, shoving her hands in her pockets. "How complicated is _that_?"

"…"

"Cloudy?"

Cloud just shook his head and hurried down the hallway, a stunned look on his face.

-------------------

Hours later, in the middle of the night, Leon awoke to the sensation of something being wrong. His stomach was churning and adrenaline coursed through him as he fumbled to turn the lamp on. The instant he could see however, he immediately wished he couldn't. Gulping back a fearful whimper, Leon could only stare in shock at the heavy dark tendrils spiralling around his arm, reluctantly moving his gaze down to his lap, the material of his pyjama pants barely visibly beneath the darkness pooling there.

His chest giving a painful contraction finally jolted him out of his stupor, he uttered a soft hiss as he hunched over, hugging his chest as another jolt of pain raced across his ribs. His mind whirled with thoughts as he forced himself to get up, stumbling over to the door and bracing himself against the wall as he moved down the corridor towards the other bedrooms. He could feel the panic welling up inside him, the thought that Xehanort might very well win tonight. He found it hard to breathe, instinctively clutching at his throat as he forced himself to keep moving. Had he reached his limit? He stumbled turning a corner as everything began to get blurry.

-------------------

Cloud lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to fall asleep, mind still racing and centred on the brunet slumbering some twenty doors down the hall. Idly he raised a hand, turning it over and investigating his palm as he gave on sleep for the time being. He allowed his thoughts to fester, mulling over the long conversation of last night, a small spring of awe welling up at the paths his mind was taking, the resolves it was making.

By nature, Cloud could be rather flighty. So often he ran; he ran from Tifa and Aerith who only wanted to help. He ran from his memories –a bitter irony in knowing Sephiroth was both right and wrong, the light of the present had been too much for him but the darkness of his past equally so. By nature, Cloud didn't make promises either; promises were too easy to break. Yet, as he lay there thinking, he found himself making promises; resolving not to run. Leon was terrified of being alone, his memory recalled; so he would stay by his side, his mind promised. One of the laws of life was that the heart and body were separate in terms of light and darkness. Cloud noted quietly that he and Leon were opposites; Leon's heart was light, his was dark and their bodies were the opposite. Leon's body was in danger due to darkness, Cloud's mind countered with a promise to lend his own light should anything happen –by force if necessary. On and on in that pattern, his mind wove around the fears and apprehensions of both Leon and himself, resolving to face and fix them. And a tiny piece of him unfurled itself; a younger, optimistic Cloud was waking up as the promises grew and hope found its way through his entire being, picking itself a path that made the blonde feel lighter just for thinking.

He let his hand slowly fall back down onto the bed, using his palm to push himself up a second later as a thud rang out somewhere in the corridor. His eyebrows furrowed curiously as a second, louder thud echoed before he swung his legs out of bed, quietly making his way to the door and peeking out with a cautious curiosity. The darkness of the corridor felt heavy and it took his eyes a while to adjust, scanning almost blindly until he spotted a dark mass on the floor some ten feet away, covered in dark tendrils that were just too familiar for his likening, feeling his heart freeze as his eyes finally adjusted to the dark.

For a moment Cloud stood still; face strained with shock and fear before his feet finally remembered themselves and propelled him forwards, a shout torn from his throat.

-----  
_Unable to touch his heart it's filtered through his body. The body isn't designed to harbour darkness…_

-------

For the first time in just over a decade the castle's infirmary was in use. Aerith had confirmed what everyone had feared; Leon's body was starting to give out though thankfully her spells had managed to stabilise him and the machinery still operational in the infirmary would keep it that way. Recovery, however, was difficult to determine. Cid alternated between leaning out the window smoking and staring at Leon's breathing mask as everyone sat around Leon's bed. Yuffie was silent, clinging to Leon's hand as she sat on Cloud's lap, too shaken to be her usual boisterous self. Behind him Tifa paced anxiously as Aerith frantically looked through the pile of books she'd brought up form the library, getting more and more agitated with each book.

"Aerith." Cid cautioned as the brunette finally lost her patience and threw the book across the room.

"There's nothing in them!" She wailed, throwing another. "Stupid bloody books! There's what? Thousands of them and not one tells us anything _useful_!" Tifa reached over and grasped her hands, murmuring comfortingly as Aerith struggled to regain her composure.

"Should've known." Yuffie muttered bitterly. "There wasn't anything to help Sora defeat the darkness in that library and this is the same thing."

"Not quite." Cloud corrected automatically. "Sora was trying to defeat darkness in general across the worlds, we're trying to defeat a specific darkness in a specific location." He frowned thoughtfully, tapping a rhythm on the chair arm. "Riku was –for lack of better phrasing- infected with darkness. There is darkness is everyone but there is a safe level that's the norm. Riku's was overwhelmed when Xehanort's Heartless invaded his heart and that balance was destroyed. King Mickey mentioned in his last letter that Riku no longer had that darkness…or rather it returned to a safe level in which he couldn't access its powers."

"So there is a way?"

"Must be." Cid grunted. "Don't suppose he mentioned how Riku dealt with it?"

"No."

"Bugger."

"What 'bout you Cloud?" Yuffie tilted her head back to stare up at him. "You were 'infected' with darkness too and now you're not."

"That's a completely different situation." He replied tiredly. "My darkness took a physical manifestation –Sephiroth."

"Oh right…you just had to butcher him to deal with yours."

"When you think about it…" Tifa spoke slowly, thinking out loud. "Darkness is like a virus –each is different and it can mutate."

"Virus?!" Yuffie yelped. "You mean we're fighting a bloody micro organism?"

Cid scowled, flicking his cigarette out the window. "Kid, shut up."

"Back to the situation…" Aerith sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I want to examine Riku's case please. It has a few similarities with Leon's. His darkness went back to a safe level -which is what we need to do for Leon- it's no good trying to completely eradicate the darkness in his body; that could cause more damage long term because of the balance."

"But we don't know how Riku overcame his." Yuffie huffed, crossing her arms. "Though I'll bet the lucky sod had Sora's help."

"Perhaps." Tifa yawned.

"Look we're all tired –yes, Yuffie I can see you're not." Cid muttered, slowly heading for the door. "Let's get some rest kay? Yuffie, since you're _so_ damn energetic you can stay with Leon and keep an eye on him."

"I'll relieve you in a few hours." Cloud said as he pushed the ninja off of his lap and stood up. Yuffie smirked and opened her mouth. "Not one word!" He hissed catching her look and throwing a glare at Tifa as she snickered. "You too."

Aerith exchanged a look with Yuffie before giggling helplessly as she left.

-

"Tifa?"

She turned at the soft uncertain voice. "Cloud?"

"Remember when I fought Sephiroth?" he scratched lightly at the side of his face as he looked out the window. "You lent me your light…how did you do that?"

She blinked and looked upwards, folding her arms over her chest in thought before frowning. "I…just knew I could. I…" She rubbed at her forearm with a scowl. "I don't know, I guess I just believed and my heart took care of the rest."

Cloud hummed thoughtfully, looking over his shoulder back down the corridor. "Heart, huh?"

**--------**

Sometime near midnight Leon woke up with a low groan, blinking blindly for a long moment before realising that it was Yuffie's face filling his vision as the ninja hovered over him.

"Leon?"

He blinked again, not at all certain he'd heard her; Yuffie couldn't possibly speak so quietly or in such a worried tone. He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to convey a frown as best he could with a mask over his mouth.

"Leon!" Mindful of the IV and breathing apparatus Yuffie still managed to jump on top of him and glomp him tightly as she started to babble. Somewhere between telling Leon about the earlier discussion and mothering him in her usual boisterous style, Cloud arrived, not looking the least bit pleased with the hyper ninja.

"You didn't wake him, did you?"

"Course not! Leon woke by himself, I was quiet!" Behind her Leon gave a faint confirming nod that somehow managed to convey his awe at her ability to do so. Oblivious to Leon's reaction, Yuffie only saw the faint flicker of a smile on Cloud's face as he walked over. She snorted loudly, interpreting the smile in her own Yuffie way and started to grin knowingly.

Cloud caught her look as he sat down in the chair, a stoic look on his face as he stared at her. "Not. One. Word."

"How about two then?" She asked innocently. "Or _three_? Three's a _love_ly number isn't it? Such-"

"Shut up. Get out."

Leon snorted quietly as Yuffie threw a pillow in response and attempted to speak again, failing when Cloud clapped a hand over her mouth. He didn't have a clue what was going on and thinking about it was making him tired…_oooh_ the bed was soft.

And just like that, Leon went back to sleep amidst the loud bickering and flying projectiles.

-------

Around 2am Cloud finally convinced Yuffie to go to bed, she'd refused to leave until she had given him a list of do's, don'ts and the…_unforgettable_ don't-unless-you-get-it-on-camera. That had been two hours ago. He looked over at the clock with a small sigh, absently brushing Leon's hair away from his face as he pondered the situation. Somewhere between fretting over the hopelessness of it all and useless theories, he found himself wishing they had Sora there and shook his head angrily at the thought. They shouldn't have to depend on Sora for everything, it wasn't fair to the kid and besides, the gummi roads were now closed so Sora couldn't come even if the keyblade master could do something to help Leon. His frown deepened as he started to tap his foot. There had to be a way to transfer light; Tifa had done it once just by believing and wishing. Cloud snorted softly at the thought. Until Sora and the Sephiroth incident he'd never been one to put much faith in the 'just believe and you can do it' philosophy. But if being in the darkness had taught him one thing, it was that a strong heart could do anything. He hummed thoughtfully as he recalled one of Sora's visits to Radiant Garden at the beginning of his second quest; the brunet had stayed for a week determined to tell them everything. One story in particular stood out from the rest now; that of a beast who'd managed to travel to Hollow Bastion simply through his heart and belief. He nodded to himself quietly. If Beast could do it, they could; it was just a matter of figuring…out…how...?

Cloud blinked as a faint glimmer caught his eye. Curious he leaned down, feeling his eyes widen as he saw the light dancing between his fingers and Leon's hair. Tentatively he moved his fingers down to the brunet's forehead, noting with a silent awe that the light followed and seemed to switch with the darkness, small tendrils curling around his fingers before dissipating. He withdrew his hand, frowning when the darkness simply returned to Leon when the contact ended.

"Bloody hell…" he muttered, leaning forward again to shake the man awake. "Wake up Leon."

It took a few minutes –Leon was a surprisingly heavy sleeper- but finally the brunet groaned and tried to bat his hands away as his eyes reluctantly slid open. "Wha? Cloud, what is it?" he mumbled yawning widely as he tried to hold onto the last vestiges of sleep.

"Look."

"Meh?" Leon yawned again, eyes sliding shut again.

Cloud grabbed his hand and held it up to eye level. "_Look_."

Leon swallowed when he saw the light shimmering around their hands, voice barely audible beneath the breathing mask. "Cloud…that's light."

Absently linking their fingers together, Cloud nodded to himself. "I think I get it."

"O-okay?"

Cloud nodded again, extracting his cell phone from his pocket and punching in a number.

-------  
_Believe in the light…_

--------

Seeing the panicked look on Aerith's face made Cloud sheepishly wonder if maybe he should have said more than 'get everyone down to the infirmary'. Despite the guilt monster gnawing at his innards, he still felt irritable enough at the group's loud entrance to glower at them.

"He's asleep."

"Is he ok?" Aerith shot back as she leaned over Leon anxiously.

"He's fine." Cloud muttered, raking a hand through his spikes. "Just exhausted."

Tifa cut over Yuffie as the ninja's wicked smirk gave away her thoughts. "So is there a reason you called us all done here? I was thinking the worse when Aerith told me you wanted everyone down here asap."

"Hn, sorry. I just…got an idea of how to help Leon." He winced as their volume sharply increased as they piled questions on him. Shooting a sharp look at Leon's sleeping profile he made a curt gesture for them to _shut up_. It took them awhile but when they finally quietened, he started the difficult task of trying to explain. They waited patiently as he fumbled for a while, and were still patient when his first few attempted explanation were confusing beyond belief. Tapping the chair arm thoughtfully, Cloud decided on a more direct approach and placed his hand over Leon's head, relaxing when the now familiar glimmer of light twinkled up at them all and Yuffie leant in ridiculously close to get a better look before leaping back with a grin.

"I think maybe working together, _maybe_, we can make a more permanent transferral."

"So instead of trying to siphon the darkness out of his body, we simply balance it with more light." Aerith murmured, one finger skimming her chin thoughtfully. "It could work, mm, or better yet, since Leon's heart is nothing but light; maybe an attempt to inject more light into his body could 'jolt' his heart into dealing with the darkness itself. Leon's heart used to do it all the time when Xehanort was doing his experiments."

"I don't understand a damn thing being said." Cid muttered still half asleep and propped up against the wall. "So let's keep it simple; will this help Leon?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Then let's do it and go back to bloody bed." Cid yawned loudly. "And when I wake up, I wanna see this idiot yelling over me for sleeping in when there's work to be done."

"You missed that?" Yuffie gawked incredulously. "Cid! Miss the cooking, not the yelling!" She broke off with a sigh. "Especially the cake…"

"So how do we do this exactly?" Tifa asked, looking at Cloud and Aerith and pointedly ignoring the other two.

Cloud smiled faintly. "Believe."

-

The townspeople stuck their heads out of their windows and doors, staring up at the castle in awe as the light from one of its towers lit up the entire city before slowing ebbing away, leaving a content and safe feel to the air. Relief and light permeated the air as they slowly left the infirmary to return to their warm beds; an exhausted Yuffie and Cid propping each other up. Aerith watched them with a soft smile as she petted Leon's head, content to stay a little longer as Tifa ushered Cloud back into his chair. As Cloud collapsed heavily into the chair the two women exchanged knowing smiles and nodded in silent agreement. Both rose again, wrapping their arms around Cloud gently for a moment before straightening, whispering reassurances and ordering Cloud to get some sleep before dawn. Cloud nodded tiredly, a small triumphant light in his eyes as he shifted around on his seat, getting comfortable.

-------------------

…_Push the darkness away…_

-------------------

Remember to R&R and thanks sooo much for being so patient, hopefully I didn't piss too many off by taking so long. Next chapter's partly done but it might take awhile because I have a 21st b-day party to see to


	11. Chapter 10

Um, yea…no comment.

**Chapter Ten**

It was nearly dawn when Aerith tip-toed up to the infirmary and joined Tifa in peeking around the door to spy on the two men sleeping inside, silently agreeing to leave them alone. She could feel her facial muscles straining as a large impulsive smile stretched her mouth, barely able to contain her laughter as she tugged on Tifa's shirt and gestured down the hall. They shared a gleeful look as they all but skipped down the stairs towards the kitchen where faint curses could be heard as a half-asleep Cid tried to make coffee with Yuffie demanding food from him.

--

When he woke up, something felt different. It wasn't the IV drip attached to him, and it wasn't the breathing apparatus either. Both of these he was quick to remove from his person, letting them fall to the floor with little care. It wasn't the odd way the bed dipped to the right either, though that was puzzling until he finally mustered up the strength to turn and look. Cloud was there, half sitting in the chair, half on the bed with his face buried in his arms as he snored quietly, his body warmth heating Leon's side.

…it might have been that. Partly.

He felt…lighter?

His brows furrowed curiously as he lifted his head from the pillow to look down; he was clad in his pyjamas, the blankets long since kicked off –or maybe he'd never been covered, he didn't know. A small smile flittered across his face, torn between awed relief and utter incredulity as he lifted a leg up experimentally and couldn't find a single dark tendril.

That was it.

His eyes fluttered shut as another thought came to him. He had grown to like the name Leon, but he'd missed Squall and he could _be_ Squall again. The castle and city finally felt like _home_ again. Opening his eyes again he looked up at the ceiling, wondering how Aerith and Yuffie would react when he told him he didn't mind being Squall again...

-

Cloud hadn't intended to fall asleep at his chair. He'd planned to get some sleep on one of the many beds littering the infirmary. But somehow he'd wound up resting his arms on the bed and then before he knew it, his head was resting on his arms and his eyes had closed. The next thing he knew was the sensation of the sun trying to bake through his eyelids. For a moment he blinked sleepily into the crook of his elbow, stubbornly trying to remain in his contented sleep . Then, as sleep relinquished its hold on him, he remembered where he was and chanced a look up, a small ghost smile flickering across his expression.

Leon was sleeping peacefully, a tiny smile upturning the corners of his mouth as he breathed quietly through his nose, his eyes slightly shadowed from the harsh morning sun by his hair. Cloud clucked his tongue softly and wrapped his hand around Leon's; intertwining their fingers before lifting it up to his mouth, pressing his lips gently to the wrist. He let go a second later, hearing a tell-tale giggle wafting up the corridor and stood; slipping out a side door before Yuffie arrived to cause mischief. He nodded to himself as he darted down the staircase and made his way to the kitchen to where two knowing women were waiting patiently for their doubtful blonde to arrive for his morning angst and coffee session.

-

Leon did not enjoy being woken up by Yuffie. Particularly since no one was there to stop her when she dropped a kitten on his face. "To keep you company when I can't, Squally!" was her explanation for doing so and Leon couldn't help but wince at the name, regretting that he told the girls that he was okay with being Squall…he _really_ should've told only Aerith.

It was a cute kitten admittedly but the poor thing had panicked at the treatment and clawed his nose. He especially did not enjoy a giggly ninja slapping a band-aid over his abused nose and asking whether he and Cloud had 'talked' yet. Cid had apparently given her coffee that morning because she was speaking faster than usual and by the time Tifa had arrived to rescue him from her, he was ready to throw the ninja out the window (He might've tried to if he'd been able to open them). He watched thankfully as Tifa herded the girl out; his relief popping when Tifa told him to play nice with Cloud when the blonde returned. Feh. He knew he preferred men for a reason. Less teasing.

At noon Aerith had finally managed to get away from restoration matters to visit him.

"How are you feeling?"

Leon snorted quietly. "Like I want out of this bed. Seriously. I'm fine."

Aerith's eyes twinkled as she wagged a finger at him. "You, Squall Leonhart, will stay put until tomorrow. Heaven knows you could use the rest." When he frowned at her, she merely chuckled and shook her head. "You've been sleep deprived for months, you are staying in that bed or…" She smiled mischievously. "I'll lock you and Cloud in a room with _Yuffie_."

Leon gulped and pressed himself further into the mattress; wondering just when Aerith had become so _evil_ as her smile sweetened and she began to talk about the restoration work.

Sunset saw Leon was reclining against his pillows, his hand almost absent-mindedly petting the small kitten as he faced the window with glassy eyes, having withdrawn into himself in order to think carefully about the blonde and…whatever the hell it was they had. With the darkness gone, his health wasn't in jeopardy anymore…he could resume his life again…maybe with Cloud? He sighed softly, his free hand rising to brush his bangs out of his eyes before falling back to his lap. He hadn't really talked to Cloud but…he was sure there was some sort of understanding between them…unless he was reading too deeply into Cloud's actions…his judgement _had_ failed him before…but Cloud had said they'd talk later…there wasn't too much that could have meant…

His circling thoughts trailed off as he noticed that the kitten was no longer in his lap and that his hands had been stilled and were currently being pressed together. He blinked slowly for a long moment, looking down at his empty lap curiously before letting his eyes trail to the right where his hands hung in the air, held up by another set of hands. He stilled when he realised there was a pair of azure orbs staring at him searchingly from over their hands.

"Cloud…"

"Hey."

Silence fell over them for a long moment until Cloud cleared his throat, garnering Leon's attention again.

"Um…feel better?" He tried lamely, wincing slightly at the rather pathetic attempt.

"Yes…uh, you can, um, let go of my hands now."

"Oh." Cloud offered a sheepish smile as he set Leon's hands back down on the bed, wiping his own on his pants and watching Leon do the same. He sucked in a breath. "This…is awkward."

"To say the least." Leon murmured in response, feeling himself relax as he realised he wasn't the only one out of his depth. Cloud was just as unsure, just as clueless as to how to proceed.

"I don't…really know what to do." The blonde fumbled to explain. "I've…the darkness and searching for Sephiroth. This is…"

"Hard?" The brunet supplied, lips twitching upwards. "I never expected…to have this; to _live_." He added bluntly, ignoring the expression that flashed across the other's face. "I didn't think I'd have opportunities…"

"But you do." Cloud said quietly, reaching over to entwine a hand with Leon's.

Leon squeezed back, voice soft and hesitant. "Yes."

A smirk flicked across Cloud's face as he leant forward. "So," He whispered throatily, lips brushing across a smooth cheek. He leant back to enjoy the faint blush and shiver the action elicited in the brunet as he waited for a reaction.

Leon swallowed nervously as he reached out to lace their free hands together. He kept his eyes fixated on Cloud's face as he tugged the blond forward, worrying his lower lip as the blonde's hip pressed against the side of the bed. Eyes met and held each other, questions meeting answers until the blonde finally nodded faintly and climbed onto the bed; knees digging into the soft mattress as he moved to crawl on top of the brunet, his weight supported by his elbows as Leon directed their hands to rest on either side of his head. Their heads tilted just slightly as Cloud leant down, pausing as he felt Leon's breath lightly gusting over his mouth, simply to enjoy the sensation. At the flicker of uncertainty and impatience in Leon's eyes, he moved forward again, eyes sliding shut just as their mouths pressed together gently. For short moment they didn't dare move, almost certain it wasn't real and trying to freeze time at that moment, before Leon opened his mouth slightly, moving his lips in a shy, circular movement. He tugged a hand free gently, reaching up to curl his fingers at the base of Cloud's neck as he hummed a soft content sound. In response Cloud shifted slightly, reaching up to run his free hand through the long strands of brown hair before fisting it with a soft tug.

Simultaneously they pulled apart, panting softly as they stared at each other with awe. Then Cloud smirked and Leon offered a tiny smile before the blonde stopped supporting his weight on his elbows, letting his body blanket the one below him as he breathed in quietly and rested his face against the brunet's neck. Leon shifted slightly beneath him, making himself comfortable before loping an arm around Cloud's shoulders.

"So, Leon…" Cloud offered after a few minutes of contented silence.

"Squall." Leon corrected quietly. "Call me Squall."

"Squall." Cloud murmured, tasting the word. "So then, Squall, you up for it?"

"For…?"

"Us."

"Oh." Leon replied quietly, a smile breaking out across his face. "Yea, I am."

--------------------  
_Remember…_

-------------------

_His eyelids fluttered shut, long eyelashes brushing against pale cheeks as his hands fluttered across the ivory keys. The small music room in which he resided resonated with the soft, dreamy music floating from the piano. The light of the fading sun streamed through the open windows, the gentle evening breeze dancing with thick, velvet curtains as his body swayed lightly with the music. Somewhere inside himself Leon knew this scene, recalled the dread associated with it, yet he felt completely safe; it felt different…the hands he saw fluttering over the piano before his eyes shut weren't his small childish hands but the hands of his adult body; he wasn't sure what to think about the change in the dream. He couldn't tell if that difference was a good thing or not._

_A knee dug into the red velvet of the piano seat, arms wrapped around his waist and a chin resting on his shoulder. He shifted in his seat awkwardly, the melody never faltering, as he moved to lean back, eliciting a soft murmur of content. A soft sigh drifted from parted lips as he opened his eyes slowly, his fingers slowing in their movements as the melody began to draw to a sleepy end. Quietly he noted the blond spikes just visible in his peripheral sight, feeling an odd sense of security at the sight.  
_

"_You play well."_

_The soft voice echoed through the peaceful atmosphere. The melody was brought to a slow halt as his hands slipped from the keys to clasp contently in his lap, eyes closed peacefully as the arms around his waist tightened comfortingly._

-------------------

_Even in the deepest darkness, there is light._

-------------------

_Fini_.

Someone did ask for a bit of lime/lemon and honestly I did try to meet this request but…when you laugh yourself stupid over your own lemon attempts you know there's something wrong so I decided against it (Seriously, I laughed so hard my stomach hurt for a good while afterwards).

Me tired…please R&R while I go collapse in that corner over there, m'kay?


End file.
